Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Nobody Else Is Really Here

I think what I want most in the world is to be free,

but freedom is just a dream I had,

one night,

when my mind was feeling extra generous.

I think what I want most in the world is to exist without feeling I do,

but I’m trapped,

because life is like that,

and even if you didn’t sign up,

you still have to serve your full term,

and pay your debt,

to a society that forced you into forcing your way through it.

I think what I want most in the world is to be somebody else,

or to be the me that people expect and appear to want,

but it’s too late,

and nobody else is really here.

Nobody else is really here.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

There Is No Hope Of A Cure

I set fire to myself,

in my sleep,

sometimes.

Pouring out all my rage,

swimming under the sheets,

dreaming,

waiting,

nestling into night time,

and the freedom it brings,

being blissfully unconscious,

until I hear a good night,

returning home,

and I recall,

being young,

being eager to enjoy each night,

in case another one didn’t arrive.

I am tired,

as I lie awake,

not sure if sleep will join me again,

not sure if I just want my own company,

for a couple of hours,

as the good night goes to bed,

with water,

paracetamol,

and regret.

If you’ve ever wondered,

why I sleep so much,

then you should know,

I am tired.

I am tired,

of seeing this world sometimes,

and so,

I sleep,

to escape,

to distract myself,

from escaping entirely,

and even now,

I know,

you don’t know that I’m being honest,

and I’ll never tell,

in case you send me to an escape I do not choose.

I was not made for the wards,

or the morgues.

I was made for a meadow,

that exists,

only in my mind.

A place I’ve never been,

unless I dream it.

One day,

I might move there,

and you’ll stand over my bed,

exclaiming disappointment,

sadness and regret.

Or,

you won’t,

but I won’t know,

with my hair braided,

brain dead but happy,

flying through fields of wheat,

like an Austen heroine,

or a disgraced prime minister,

rested and restless,

as I explore newfound imaginary freedom.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

Patreon Special Offer – Signed Copy Of Deus Ex Machina

Hola amigos,

From today, until the 3rd of March, new and existing subscribers to my Patreon will receive a signed copy of my new book, Deus Ex Machina.

 

You can check out and subscribe to my Patreon here. Subscribers to my Patreon get special and exclusive benefits, such as free eBook copies of all my book, exclusive early previews and early access to projects, special mentions in my projects, and access to my behind the scenes instagram account, with some tiers also having access to free and exclusive merchandise. Subscriptions start from just $1 a month, with new content for subscribers being added every week.

This offer applies to all tiers, and as mentioned, applies to both existing and new subscribers.

You can check out and subscribe to my Patreon here.

Besos,

J x

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