Hey everyone!
What’s up, it’s your girl Sara and I’m back with another episode of…
STORYTIME!
The show where we talk about crazy things that have happened to me and all the messed up, gnarly stuff I’ve seen on my travels!
Now, before we get started, today’s episode contains some upsetting themes, so, like trigger warning, but also… we are gonna dive deep into some CRIMES!
So, like, I gotta say a quick legal disclaimer…
Alright, here we go… innocent until proven guilty blah blah blah not actually a criminal until a court says so blah blah blah…
But you know what? My Dad is LOADED, so try and sue me, bitch!
Anyway, today’s episode is sponsored by Restless Violets magazine! It’s the go to magazine for the girlies who love girlies, and they’re giving all my loyal listeners ten percent off if they use the code STORYTIME!
Now, we’re about to get started, but before we do, make sure that you’re subscribed, so you never miss an episode, and don’t forget to follow me on all my socials!
So, like, I was on vacation in this little city called Scotland, and it was actually the worst, because I had just broken up with Pablo, and Roberto had just broken up with me, so I was like, bereft of boyfriends. It was so bleak, and also it kept raining or something?
So messed up. But anyway, I was at this thing called a pub. It’s like a bar, but like… busted? The drinks were cheap though, and my allowance was running low, so it was kind of ideal.
So anyway, I get talking to this girl, right, who swears on her mother’s life that she used to be in a cult!
Like a genuine cult! She said that this group called the garden of the free children had been operating in secret for years, doing all this shady stuff and moving to a new place every time they got caught.
So, I buy her a drink and she starts SPILLING you guys, like giving me all the deets.
So, it was started by this crazy old lady from Florida, which is like… very Florida to be honest. So, this old hag Celia Jefferson starts killing guys, like straight up MURDERING guys but she convinces herself that some goddess made her do it, and starts the cult to like, worship this goddess or whatever.
She moves to England with her daughter April, because the cops are on her back, and they just like… keep doing it? Like they keep killing guys! I swear to god! They convince these guys that it’s necessary, and they’re just like sacrificing them to this goddess.
So crazy.
Then the old lady died, during the grey death.
Oh my god, do you guys remember the grey death? It sucked so bad! It was so annoying having to stay home all the time because of those stupid zombies!
Ew, anyway, so the old lady got eaten by zombies or whatever, so her daughter April takes over the cult.
This is when my new friend joined by the way… so she gets super close to April. Like, almost college close, if you know what I mean… and it turns out, April’s life is SUPER messed up. Her dad was one of her mom’s first victims, and April even had a son that was sacrificed for the cult!
April seems so glam and cool but apparently she’s really like… sad and unhappy?
Yeah, can’t relate, but like, anyway, so they’re just still out there killing people and moving round Europe to escape cops or whatever.
So crazy.
I mean, it’s scary, I guess, and that girl did say that I shouldn’t talk about it, because the cult have eyes and ears everywhere…
OH! I’m so scared!
NOT! Like I said, my dad’s rich and I live in a gated community. I’m gonna be fine.
She basically got out because she got super freaked by the whole thing, and she was all paranoid, talking about how she feels like they’re still after her.
It was really needy and gross actually.
But like, I get it, because…
Oh, hold on, someone’s at the door.
One sec…
Hello?
NO!
WAIT STOP!
NOOOOO!
Sincerely, Jennifer x 