Living Doll

Her name was Jade, and you loved her more than me. It was hard not to take it personally, but I suppose that’s only natural. You are special.You’re not just someone that I can forget. I’d spent so long looking for someone, surrounding myself with the most beautiful things to take my mind off my longing, but all along, I was looking for you.

Good God, I have longed for you my whole life.

I have always wanted you. Day and night. Every hour and every second. I always knew that I was waiting for you, the details were a little fuzzy, but once the fog began to clear, and my destiny became certain, it was like I finally sprung to life and everything made sense. You had been waiting for me all this time.

Do you remember when we first met?

I replay it in my head all the time. There you were, all alone in the bar, no ring, no drink in your hand, and I decided I was going to fix both. You liked beer. Ice cold, and I got you another, and then another, watching your lips curve into a smile whenever you talked about the romance movies you love, your favourite football players and how good your mum’s roast dinners were.

You say you were being friendly, but I think that we both know it was more than that, don’t we? You weren’t thinking about her at that moment, you were thinking of me. You were being more than friendly. You wanted me to know you, and now, I do. You looked at me like you knew we were fated to meet too. I could feel it in my fingertips, pulsing with electricity as yours found mine, and we connected.

You didn’t tell me about Jade. You took me back to your flat, and you made me yours. I’d never belonged to anyone before. I was a daughter of no-one, a lover of no-one, a victim of no-one, just a free, fluttering bird that flew above the world, until you. I had my vices, my playthings, but nothing had ever consumed me quite like you.

Your kiss clung to my lips for days. Grasping and greedy, my lips tingling as you took over my mind, melding with my soul through secret texts and hushed phone calls after midnight.

I called you my movie star. Named after one of the greats and twice as beautiful as Norma Jean. My lover. The keeper of my heart. My movie star, Marilyn.

I couldn’t wait to see you again, collapsing and rising at the thought of you and your hypnotic hold on me. I didn’t have to wait long. I was lost in our love affair, the phone calls and tempting texts, when I bumped into you, dashing and darling, with your arms draped around that bitch.

You blushed, blustering your way through an awkward conversation as you tried to explain that we were friends, shooting me a pleading look that sent me sailing from the stars and I swallowed our secrets, nodding as you told her that we were “just friends”.

I was incensed. Smart enough to stifle the cyclone that was whirling and raging inside of me, but bubbling underneath my skin, feeling the pain pulsing within as I made my excuses and left, tears bursting from my eyes as I turned the corner and was free of your gaze.

Sometimes, I’d wonder if you’d ever understand my pain. It tore me apart. I’d try to forget you, falling back into old fantasies, all the things that used to thrill me, but there was nothing that could compare to you.

I’d stay up all night, sobbing until I choked, helpless on the bedroom floor with a head full of memories.

You had been waiting for me all this time, and she was ruining it, so of course, something had to be done, but what? I assembled all of my favourite friends, surrounded myself with their wise, silent stares, and though they didn’t say a word, I knew exactly what they were suggesting.

It might interest you to know that unlike you, your precious Jade is not quite as promiscuous as you. It was a lot harder to get her home, but I am, as you are learning, quite determined. She kept telling me that I was pretty, but that she just couldn’t be unfaithful. It made me wonder if you really did love her more than me, and that made me all the more determined.

Do you know, it’s much harder than it seems to buy drugs? I did consider that as an option, but the whole plan fell apart when I realised that I knew absolutely no drug dealers. I’m used to intoxicating people with my charms, you see, so this was new territory for me.

Luckily, I made a new friend who had just the thing I needed. He didn’t ask for much in return, just a little something from you, but I honestly think you’ll be better off without it. Isn’t it funny that it’s easier to employ the services of a soul eating monster than it is to get Rohypnol? They call themselves Light Stealers, and I have to say, the name is very accurate.

One look from his stony, black eyes and she was putty in my hands, falling into my arms in silence, ready to be taken home and taken care of. The room was glowing, the air seeming to glitter, but it was like the world went away, and she went limp in my embrace, a little white lip escaping her lips as he captured them in a kiss.

One look at the lights went out in your precious, pretty Jade. I could hardly believe my eyes, and I couldn’t believe that I’d gone to all the trouble of creating my collection without the help of my mysterious new friend. He is a God send and well worth what I’m paying him… or what you’re paying him, I should say.

I carried her home, with a little help from my unusual ally. He was such a polite fellow, called himself Pumpkins. He said he’d be staying for a few days, and I made up the spare room for him. It was the least I could do.

Jade didn’t struggle, and she didn’t cry. She didn’t even scream, she just looked up at the ceiling with a sweet, peaceful smile.

I barely noticed the sound of you knocking on the door, because I was so enchanted by the scarlet that sprang from her skin. Pumpkins answered the door, a wicked smile peeking out from beneath his mask as he beckoned you inside.

You screamed, in delight, I assume, but you were so excitable that you tried to run. We couldn’t allow that, Marilyn. You’d miss out on all the fun we’re going to have! Wouldn’t that be terrible? Pumpkins took just enough from you to keep you still and silent, but he left a little of the sweet shine in your eyes for later.

I continued making up Jade for us. She was okay before, I suppose. A little plain, a little bland, but I made her into a miracle.

Her stomach was like silk, slipping and sliding through my fingers as I dug down into her abdomen. You have to remove these things, you know, otherwise the final product will be a mess, and I take a lot of pride in my work. I wanted her to be our perfect little plaything, and she is, now that I’m finished with her.

Oh, she’s beautiful now. Like a dream, or a devilish fantasy. I can barely resist her, and every few moments as I hold her to my heart, I think that perhaps, she is so beautiful that I could forget you.

That is the true fantasy, my dear. You are unforgettable, but that’s okay, because you’ve decided to stay.

You’ve been such a bad girl, Marilyn, but I believe in second chances. If you behave yourself, I’ll let you join in my game.

I know you can do it. You might have tripped and stumbled before, but the road to true love has never run smooth, darling. I forgive you. I forgive you for all the pain and the heartache, because I can see what you’re becoming. I’m perched on the bed, Jade joining all my other friends behind you, but you, my sweetheart, you are before me, rising from the carpet without a cry as Pumpkins works his magic.

I am a good lover, and I love all my dolls equally, but I must confess, when you are finished, I think I might just love you the most. I think you might just be my favourite. All my playthings are pretty, but never before have I had a living doll, and darling, I’m so glad that it’s you.

Love forever,
The Puppet Mistress