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Ella at The End Of The World – Episode Two

Read more of Ella at The End Of The World

We’re in the woods. I can’t say where, because Martin thinks somebody might track us down and steal our supplies. I suppose it’s a fair point. He’s asleep right now. We decided to sleep in the car for tonight and figure things out properly tomorrow. He looks so peaceful when he’s asleep, which is a relief, after everything.

Dinner was grim. I know it’s wrong to complain especially when it could be much worse, and when Martin has spent most of his adult life preparing for this, and had the decency to bring me along with him, but freeze dried food isn’t something I’m used to, and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Luckily I managed to sneak some biscuits in, as I was packing, but I think the many boxes of freeze dried fuckery will outlast my beloved caramel digestives.

I know I’m being awfully spoiled, but I can’t help think that I’ll never get my honeymoon now. Martin and I married just before the COVID-19 situation really took hold of the UK, so a honeymoon was obviously out of the question, but we promised we’d go as soon as the lockdown ended. Unfortunately, work got in the way, for both of us, we kept putting it off, and now, it will probably never happen.

I’m crying, thinking about a stupid holiday, that really doesn’t mean that much, in the grand scheme of things. I’m alive, the man I love is alive, we have enough supplies to last a while, and I might make it out of this intact, but I don’t know what will be waiting on the other side. I had the same worries with COVID-19, we all did, but this feels even more hopeless. I saw people eating other people, on the street, in broad daylight. How does society come back from that?

I am thinking about stupid little things, that I took for granted. Sitting in the garden with a book, as the sun goes down. Arguing with my brother, at Christmas, over who gets the last roast potato. Watching Martin do his best to pretend he didn’t let me beat him at Mario Kart. Getting stuck in traffic on the way to work, and just seeing the world around me, normal, peaceful.

I don’t know what to expect from tomorrow, but I just hope I can survive it.

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