Sincerely, Jennifer x

Staff Nurse Eden Granger – Diary – Entry Twenty Nine

I survived the rest of the night and so did Luke. I’m back in tonight after two days off and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bricking it. 

I’ve had two days off, but no rest. I can’t get her out of my head. That song, again and again, all of the time. 

Alice is back, but something has changed. She doesn’t seem worked up like the rest of us. In fact, it is the calmest I’ve ever seen her. She won’t stop smiling. She just wanders around in a dazed dream, happy as a clam. 

The weather has been miserable for days. I haven’t seen a ray of sunshine since it started. Ever since I left the hospital, the rain hasn’t stopped. Thunder bellows while lightning strikes high in the eternally dark sky, and her song is interwoven in the chaos of the seemingly endless night. 

The shift tonight started hectic and never really let up. The day staff looked tired and jumpy, rushing to get out of the hospital as if their lives depended on it. 

Much like the storm, the strange atmosphere had snaked into the daylight hours and was choking the life right out of them. The day shift was beginning to understand what we already knew.

We knew that something was wrong, but we didn’t know why. We didn’t truly know her, and perhaps, we never will. All that we know is that she stalks the shadows of this place. 

We do not know why, or even how, but we’ve all seen her. The patients stay put, under their blankets, day and night, and whenever we leave the hospital, we are drained and desperate for it to be over, but there is no escape. 

I see her everywhere, and everyone else around me does too. I found one of the care assistants running through the hallway last night, tears streaming down her face, absolutely hysterical. She said that she was being followed. It was HER. You know… Her. I don’t know what we should call her. I don’t even know if she’s real. 

I hold on to the hope that she isn’t real, but I’m losing my grip with every second. 

The care assistant was a mess, pointing behind her, and I could see what she was pointing at… but I couldn’t look. I didn’t want to look. Please don’t make me look. 

I looked at Alice. Alice was standing a little closer to us, in the same hallway, giggling and smiling like the cat who broke into the cream factory and won the lottery on the same day. 

Smug cow. 

I’m starting to hate Alice. That thing doesn’t want to play with her anymore. Alice gets it easy, just because she was attacked by the patient, who also gets it easy, because he’s dead. 

I’m starting to think that dead is better, like they say in those movies. 

The patient from before is pretty relaxed. I still remember the look in his eyes as he died in my arms, but now he looks so pleased. Cool as a cucumber, to the touch and in terms of attitude. Harry, he’s calling himself. I can’t remember if that was his name or not, but it doesn’t seem important now. He just saunters round the ward with a big grin, waving and smirking at Alice, who waves and smirks back. 

We cower and cry while that thing tears the walls off of our reality, and they just… chill out.  

Why can’t that be me? Why can’t I have that peace? What did I do to deserve this? What does she want from me? What does she want from me? What can I offer her?  What does she want from me? What does she want from me? What does she want from me? What does she want from me? What does she want from me? Who can I offer her? What does she want from me? 

Oh my God. 

What am I saying? 

What am I seeing? 

Jesus Christ Eden! Pull yourself together! 

It’s not real. None of this can be real!

Shadowy creatures don’t just creep around hospitals. The dead don’t appear back on the ward, and those who are stable do not just suddenly die. 

She says that we are healing. She’s humming her little song, and whispering that to me again and again. 

“You are healing.”

Healing from what? I do not know. Healing how? I do not know. 

Luke says that it will be alright. I think he’s just trying to stop me from crying. Your pages are all wet, and I am so tired. 

It will be alright, won’t it, diary? 

Sometimes, I wonder if we have all gone mad at the exact same moment. Something bad broke into each of us and the world around us won’t stop weeping. 

That must be it. 

It can’t be real. 

Collective madness. 

Collective madness on top of shit wages and backache. Could my life get any sweeter?