Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Star Watching

The earth is still tonight.

Gradient sky,

so sweet and shy above me,

so many shades of blue,

dusky and delicate,

showing off the stars I never see,

because air pollution wants all the attention,

but the earth is still tonight,

and the stars are here to visit,

I remember when I stood by your side,

as you showed them to me,

and I wanted you to love me,

forever.

Tell me,

that you will.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Lockdown: Day Number… Honestly, I Don’t Know

The world is ending,

probably.

I’m not a doctor,

or the prime minister,

so I can’t be sure,

but everything feels unapologetically apocalyptic,

so I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to think.

I think I’m supposed to panic,

but I’m actually relieved,

laying in the dark,

remembering little moments of life,

my heart,

still in the lonely sea,

waiting for me to return.

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Maybe I will.

Wading home to the waves,

the moon shining on the steps,

as they watch me,

in silent but resigned horror.

If it’s over,

really over,

then lockdown be damned,

let me go home.

I want to go home,

to the only place where I felt whole,

the only place where the emptiness was ignorable,

the only place where I felt free.

If I close my eyes,

the tears on my cheeks,

feel like home,

and I am so blissfully alone,

tonight,

waiting for the end of the world,

so I can shrug off the guilt,

at how little I wanted to be here in the first place.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Happiness, And Other Made Up Fairy Tales

I thought,

for a change,

I might try to be happy.

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I read once,

that you can have the life you dream of,

if you believe enough,

but I’ve swallowed so much snake oil,

that I’m not sure there is room for more,

so my belief system is just a blanket of bad ideas,

patched up by occasional optimism.

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I read once,

that reality is just a state of mind,

but my mind always seems a right state,

so I couldn’t quite appreciate it,

and that just joined the patchwork hell,

another horse on my mind’s merry go round,

spinning and singing old songs,

with everything else up there,

while I try and figure out what’s going on out here.

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I read once,

that if you smile enough,

you start to believe it.

I read once,

that if you say things enough,

you start to believe it.

I read once,

that if you repeat YOUR truth enough,

you start to believe it.

I read once,

that if you put your reality into the world enough,

you start to live it.

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I am happy.

I am smiling.

I know why I’m here.

I know where I’m going.

I don’t feel empty.

I am not lonely.

I am not lying.

I AM SO HAPPY.

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I thought,

for a change,

I might try to be happy,

but some girls just aren’t made for that.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Halloween Hell

You held me close,

holding a halloween mask to your face,

hoping your costumed bravery would not betray you,

on the sofa,

suffering from a racing heart,

racy thoughts,

to distract you from the dark screen,

dark dreams.

Suffering for me,

your desensitised darling,

Halloween hell,

that lasts all year,

but lives in heaven.

You haunt my heart.