Sincerely, Jennifer x

Hello everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster, etc. I need advice about pregnancy, I suppose. I am six months pregnant, and I’ve read every baby book and every page of Mumsnet, but somehow, I don’t think they’ll be able to help me, so I’m turning to you.

I know this will make no sense, but I am certain that I’m not dreaming or making this up.

It wants my baby. The midwife is not a person. I’m sure of it. It’s… it’s a thing. I don’t know what, but it wants my baby. I know that I probably sound like a crazy, hormonal mess, but please hear me out, because this is more than just paranoia or protective mother madness. The midwife wants my baby, and she, or it, is going to destroy it if she gets her hands on it. Nobody will believe me.

My first appointment with the midwife was about eight weeks into the pregnancy. My wife and I were THAT annoying couple who go in with a long list of questions but the midwife didn’t seem to mind. She was patient, answering all of our ridiculous questions and reassuring us that she would be with us every step of the way.

I came away from the appointment feeling confident, which I definitely needed, with this being my first baby. It all seemed so normal at the start. We’d go to our appointments, we’d have a cup of tea and a catch up. Lily (that’s the midwife) was so friendly and I think we both really needed that. Having a baby had been a real struggle for us. The first and second IVF session had left us disappointed, and it was only on the third that we got anywhere, so we were feeling a little fragile, and Lily always seemed able to help.

Things started to get weird at around eighteen weeks. We went in for our appointment, and we were excited because we’d be having an ultrasound, and when you’ve wanted a baby so desperately, any chance to look at it, even for a few minutes is a major event. I was too nervous to drink anything but my wife had some tea with Lily, and then we began preparing for the scan.

As Lily moved the probe across my stomach, she wouldn’t stop smiling. At first, that seemed pretty standard. Maybe she just liked her job? She stared at the screen, smiling at the baby, and again, that seemed pretty standard to me. I was doing the same, but then, as I was lost in hypnosis, staring at my little miracle, I began to notice a strange feeling on my stomach, like I was being poked or prodded. I turned to look, and Lily was absent mindedly rapping her fingertips against my skin.

“It’s a song for the baby.” She muttered, seeming to notice that I had noticed. “Sleep little one…” I got the feeling she wasn’t talking to me. “Grow big and strong for me.” I couldn’t understand why at the time, but her behaviour made me nervous. I tried to relax and put it out of my mind, but that one moment kept playing in my head for the rest of the appointment.

God, I wish I’d listened to my instincts and asked for someone else.

On our most recent check up (twenty six weeks), things got even worse.

During the ultrasound, she was being weird again.

She was muttering and whispering, tapping madly as she rubbed the gel across my stomach, and as the probe connected with my skin, I felt this sudden surge of pain, like something inside of me was being ripped out.

I started screaming, from pain and from panic, asking over and over what was happening. My wife was yelling too, rushing to my side, asking questions.

The pain suddenly stopped as Lily dropped the probe, and I fell back against the bed, sweating and shaking.

She then made my wife leave. I don’t mean that she asked her, she physically dragged her from the room, pushing her out of the door and locking it as she stepped back in.

I could hear my wife on the other side, calling out to me, but I felt too tired to move. I couldn’t understand what was happening. Lily stood at the door for a moment, her eyes glazed, a quiet hum escaping her lips, the same melody she has been playing against my skin, and then she ran, right towards me, her face morphing into a gaunt, haunting smile as she approached the bed.

“Let’s meet this baby.” She grabbed the probe, pushing it against my skin so hard that I thought she’d break through. I tried to push her away but couldn’t find the energy. The pain hit me again, my body felt like it was being torn apart and she was humming the melody again, tapping it against my searing skin. “Come out my child…”

I was a mess of tears and horror. I couldn’t move, held down by the agony. The banging on the door and my wife’s voice began to fade, and for a moment, I thought I was going to die.

Lily climbed onto the examining table. I couldn’t stop her, she was right on top of me. Jamming the probe against my skin, she began chanting in some strange language, her voice was gravelly and to my horror, her face was changing, her eyes seemed to melt down her skin, forming new eyes. Four, then six. All of them blinking madly at me. I tried to scream, but my throat was frozen. Her mouth was wide, with an impossible amount of teeth, and her hair was wild, billowing behind her.

Then, it stopped.

It all suddenly stopped. It was like a light had switched on and she was normal again. A human. I couldn’t believe it, but I know what I saw. She pulled the probe away, sighing deeply. “Not cooked yet.” She used a paper towel to wipe away the gel on my stomach, as if nothing had happened. I wanted to ask questions, but I didn’t know where to start. There was no more pain, but the apprehension still lingered, coursing through my body.

She gave an excuse about me being anxious
when my wife finally entered the room, and she… she just seemed to believe her. I pleaded with her all the way home to listen to me, but she agreed with Lily. I was “stressed” apparently. She started talking about this new routine Lily had given her for me, but… I hadn’t seen them talking about it. Apart from when she was locked out, my wife had been by my side the whole time. At no point did Lily mention this new routine. My wife remembered a conversation with Lily that she hadn’t actually had.

She couldn’t remember the screaming. She couldn’t remember being locked out of the room. I asked her so many times, but all she could remember was a normal appointment, and that Lily was worried about my stress levels.

She started babbling on about how Lily had given her some “relaxation” tea for me, and that I’d be taking it every day, but I was already lost in what had happened before. I was so sure of what I’d seen and experienced, but it was like every time I mentioned it, she heard me say something else.

I don’t know what to do, and we have another appointment coming up soon. What is that thing? And what does it want with my baby?

I called the hospital and asked if we could have another midwife, but they gave me some bullshit about “staff shortages”, so I’m stuck with her. I don’t want to go back, but my wife is insisting that we have to.

All I know is that it, whatever it is, wants my baby, and she won’t stop until she gets them.