Sincerely, Jennifer x

I’ve no idea where the sun has got to.

I am lost in a lightless night,

layered in lavender and lilac,

listening to rare records from Welsh and Mancunian songbirds,

who smoke cigarettes and shout for their freedom.

4AM.

Perhaps 4PM.

For you, I would have given the world,

or at least that was what I said.

It’s all gone.

It’s all done.

I’ve got a good credit score,

and a gun to my head,

because nothing on this Earth will change what has come to pass.

I got my nails done,

and I was painted by a blind man,

dressed to the nines, and the tens, and held hostage in the heavens,

but dusk had to drag me down eventually,

and all that I was, in the end, was a dream.

Not even my dream,

just a dream.

Some fragile fiction that was fixed to my back,

bound to swallow me, like a succubus,

because what was there before was nothing worth preserving.

I think I have lost my mind,

but I am not afraid of it.

I am not afraid,

but I am not yours anymore,

despite the devotion.

I am supposed to be better,

but it will not come.

There are tears in the trees,

as I tread these old roads,

dread in my soul with every step,

caked in the last kiss,

collapsing under the weight of your breathy whisper,

as we broke apart.

I am still singing on the swings, as the sun goes down,

unable to leave this town,

like a ghost, or a parolee,

petrified of remembering,

but doomed to do nothing more,

waiting for us to rule the world.

Waiting, and waiting.