Sincerely, Jennifer x

Your voice was gorgeous gravel,
the kind that crunched under each subconscious step and shone in the shy sunlight,
if I really used my imagination.
I used to imagine how you’d say my name,
my mind full of fireflies and fantasies that felt out of place, out of reach.

I was out of my depth,
deranged and detained by your cool, summer gaze.
You,
the sunshine of my heart,
the confession to my diary,
the shame I could not unburden on my priest,
and my first love.

Before the schoolgirl crush,
the rush of secret, stunted mania,
before the inadvertent affair and baby’s first big true romance,
there was you,
smiling at the stars,
swallowing your fear and a fuck ton of coffee.

My boundless bad feeling,
flowing through my veins as I kneeled with my rosary and my madness.
My melancholy moonlight watcher,
infinite,
immeasurable
and irresistible.