You can now check out the video for one of my recent poems “Magpies” on my YouTube channel. I added a little to the poem, and took some parts away, and I think I prefer it much better this way.
I hope you enjoy it!
My boyfriend loves me,
more than the high,
he was beholden to,
and the wife,
who had his devotion,
until I got my way,
and wrapped my wayward ways,
around his tortured tongue.
He tells me I taste
like a candy store,
and he’s thankful for the way I taste,
and for my taste,
He eats me up,
until he’s full,
and has no room,
for the needle,
and the nag,
he left behind.
In 2016, I did a little post about what I had learned the year before (absurdly late, which is very me, if I’m honest), and in 2017, I did a similar post, and made some plans for the year ahead (again, kind of late, but this is just who I am at this point), so it feels kind of weird to be doing this post so early, but here I am, anyway.
First, I’m going to update you on how I did with my 2017 goals, and we can go from there.
- Sleep More
Well, no. I didn’t quite get this done. Primarily because I now have to get up half an hour earlier due to changes with transport timetables where I live. Having to get up earlier makes me anxious when I try and sleep, because I worry I’ll wake up late, so I end up sitting up, trying my best to sleep, and failing.
- Learn A Third Language
I wouldn’t say I’m fluent, but my Welsh is getting a lot better! I have been using many of the Welsh shows on BBC Iplayer to help me practice and get more familiar with conversational language, and have been using Duolingo every day to learn new things, so it’s going pretty darn well.
- Stop Blaming Myself For Bad Things That Happened To Me
Well, I’m working on it. It’s a work in progress. I have to admit, the Me Too movement really helped me with this, because it helped me to rationalise my misplaced guilt and realise that other people felt the same way I did. At the start of the year, I sort of knew that these things happened to me, without me doing anything to cause them, but I was still mixed up with feelings of guilt and now, in a new year, I’m a little closer to being free of that.
- Be Less Afraid Of Conversation
Again, it’s still a work in progress, but it is happening. I am finding myself more open and conversational, both online and offline.
- Finish My Novel
ALMOST. I’m cutting it fine (very bloody fine actually), and my elusive novel has undergone so, so many changes, so many, in fact, that it isn’t actually a novel anymore and is now a collection of short stories, poems, a film, and an album, but the story of Marina and Grant is FINALLY being told, and I’m very excited to share it with you, at last.
- Stop Referring To Myself As Old
I want to tell you that I managed this, but just this morning, I had a little whinge about turning 26 next month. 26 isn’t even THAT old in the grand scheme of things. On the bright side, next month, I get more presents, so, every cloud.
I have stopped worrying so much about death, though, which, is always nice.
Now, I didn’t quite fulfil them all, but I did do some pretty cool stuff that I didn’t even imagine possible.
This year, I released books, music, started a podcast, and started a Youtube channel. None of these were things I was actually expecting to do at the start of 2017, so I’m really pleased that I managed to pull it together and get those done.
On the personal side of things, I actually went on dates, with real people. This only really happened towards the end of the year, and it was only three, but it is still something of an achievement, considering how bad I am at socialising and so on.
2017 was a mess, but it wasn’t too bad.
I’m not looking to set any specific goals for 2018, I just want to have a good time, and do more of what I love, so hopefully, you’ll join me in that.
with thick, denying branches,
to the first Ace,
like the night,
she is not afraid.
She is not made of man’s rib,
but constructed of her own collarbone.
brighter than the broken stars,
that had given up hope,
and grows taller than the voices,
that told her to hide.
She has arrived,
and she will teach the forest to grow.
as you dreamt of the one you loved,
in front of a train.
It went right through me,
faster and harder,
than the way you kissed me goodbye.
I, the most beautiful blur of broken hearted blood.
When it hit me,
I gazed up at the mortified magpies,
shrugging my shattered shoulders.
I told them,
I didn’t feel a thing,
since you left me,