MYSIGN: The Elements

Mysign- the elementssneak peak jennifer juan

Hola amigos!

Today, I’m very excited to share something from one of my favourite make up brands with you. I discovered MYSIGN, after receiving one of their Aquarius Eye Wheels for Christmas in 2016. I’ve always been fascinated by astrology, and currently have an entire folder full of astrology related apps on my phone, so make up products based on my star sign were the ideal gift for me (Thanks Mum!) and I fell in love with their products right away.

MYSIGN has a new collection on the way, and I couldn’t be more excited. Launching on November 22nd 2017 is the latest collection “The Elements”, comprised of four unique eyeshadow palettes, will bring together three signs by element and celebrate the spirit, personality and style of each sign.

krista-hm

Krista Madden. Quite possibly the hardest working Capricorn you’ll ever meet.

 

MYSIGN is a brand created by one of the most innovative women in modern media, Krista Madden, in collaboration with one of the biggest names in UK beauty Makeup Revolution. Krista is not only behind one of the hottest new make up collections, but is also the founder of one of the first and longest running female focused websites BeautyandtheDirt.com, as well as founding one of the leading agencies for bloggers and vloggers, Handpicked Media. She certainly lives up to the reputation of hardworking Capricorns!

The palette is excellent value, at only £6 for 15 shades, and has a variety of colours to display the signature traits of each element. Combining cool, ethereal shades with deep and dark shades gives enough shades for a variety of looks, and adds to the value of the palette. The shadows are vibrant and long lasting, with easy application and shades for every look and occasion. As with the previous MYSIGN collection, and all collections made in collaboration with Makeup Revolution, the palette is cruelty free, and has not been tested on animals, nor does it contain any animal products, so it is completely safe for vegans.

 

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All the colours you need to set the spirit of your star sign free.

 

I’m an Aquarius, which I, as a creator, am so grateful for. I know some people are sceptical, but I really do see traits of my sign in my personality. I’m not always great with following the rules, I like to think I’m very forward thinking, I can be a little withdrawn, and some people can see me as a little “out there”. It would not be unfair, to be real, to suspect that I am perhaps an alien. I like to think that if I was one (surely I’d have figured that out by now, but you never know), that I’d be like Mork from Mork and Mindy, as opposed to Alien, from, well, Alien. My planetary status aside, one thing is for sure, I’m definitely a proud Aquarius, and it’s something I’m always willing to celebrate, which is part of why I love MYSIGN so much.

Now, you guys know I am no expert in make up, but the great thing about the palette, is that it allows for exploration, and learning. There is a great combination of matte and metallic shades to dive into, and I found it very easy to unleash my creativity, and create a look that displayed my individuality. I experimented with the silvery greys, a little blue and pink to create a dramatic and otherworldly look that I feel really represents the futuristic and unusual aspect of my sign.

I also used a little silver on top of my lipstick (Marshmallow – Colourpop), to help it shine a little brighter.

jennifer juan 5.jpg

“I came here from outer space, a planet called 808.” – Legendary icon and mother to everyone who asks, RuPaul

Overall, this is a great addition to the existing products that MYSIGN offers, and is a great sign of the brand’s ambition and their commitment to creating products that speak to our spiritual side. Along with the upcoming fragrance line to accompany the eye and lip products, a look that is astrologically tailored to you is no longer a fantasy, and is affordable too.

You can find the AIR palette, as well as FIRE, EARTH and WATER at TAMBeauty from November 22nd 2017, and in store at Superdrug from January 3rd 2018, for an incredible £6 each. You can also shop the original collection at TAMBeauty and discover more about the collections, as well as getting all the details on your sign, and horoscopes for the future at the MYSign website.

I hope you enjoyed exploring this gorgeous new palette with me, and I’ll see you again soon!

Besos,

J x


*Disclaimer* I was generously provided with the above palette but all thoughts, opinions, research and photographs are my own.

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Council Estate Girl

I was born,
and sped to work,
in a British society,
not quite high society,
council estate girl,
lost in the trees,
staring up at stars,
and making plans,
in crayon.

I worked on my grammar,
to get into grammar,
but my grandma always told me,
it was better to shine in the safety of the state,
than to struggle at the top.
My school died as an academy,
starved by those I used to want to be.
I tried to believe that they meant it,
when they said,
with rehearsed and reductive smiles,
that it didn’t matter where I came from.

DOGgbIbWkAAJPm6.jpg

My life is a really long commute,
from my mother to my god.
Traffic jams,
and dandy distractions in between,
choking on air pollution,
born of my own ambition,
and some days,
I still believe,
that I’m rushing towards something,
other than the realisation that I’m not.

 

Work myself to death,
living somewhere in between,
but no matter where I run,
how many of the classics I read,
or how many times I drown my rough accent,
in elocution lessons,
and later in cheap cider,
I am a council estate girl,
lost in the trees.
Scared to climb down,
to the grass of my past,
that glares up, in disappointment at my betrayal,
and the fact I never call.
I am a council estate girl,
terrified,
and ever so dramatic,
disgusted,
by what waits above me,
and the plans I had for them,
created in crayon.


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Drowning In Us Trailer

Hola amigos,

I hope the cold weather isn’t too bad where you are.

As you know, for the last few years, I’ve been working on a very special project. It has been a long process and it has gone through a lot of changes, but I have some further details on it that I can share with you.

The project will be a story that is told through various mediums, and will include a book of short stories and poetry, an album of music inspired by the story, and a film.

You can check out the film trailer below, and I can’t wait for you to see more of the project next year!

I really hope that Marina and Grant’s love story will be something you enjoy.

Besos,

J x


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I Love You

Hola amigos,

Happy Friday! I have a few little updates for you. I’m so grateful for all of your support and kindness to me, and I wanted to show that with a few little things.

Today, you can download Home Wrecker for free on Kindle (you can find the links below) and I am also holding two giveaways, one on Twitter and one on Facebook, where you can win a signed copy of Home Wrecker or The Things We Did Last Summer.

Giveaway Links

Twitter (Closes At Midnight GMT 03.11.17)

Facebook (Closes at 9am GMT 05.11.17)

Home Wrecker Free Download Links

US

UK

Germany

France

Spain

Italy

Netherlands

Japan

Brazil

Canada

Mexico

Australia

India

 

Besos,

J x


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Listen to”Past Preston” here

RECENT FREE CREATIVE WRITING COLLECTIONS
Are You Afraid?
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How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).

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Happy Halloween!

Hola amigos, and happy Halloween!

Below are some brand new halloween poems for you to enjoy, and a link to listen to the extra spooky episode of Sincerely, Jennifer x

I hope you have a spooky and safe Halloween!

Listen to the Halloween episode of the podcast HERE

Besos,

J x


AreyouAfraid-jenniferjuan


Are You Afraid?

Monsters in office,
on iPods, big and small screens.
Are you afraid, love?
Like and subscribe,
vote for them
and they crawl,
from under the bed,
at the dead of night,
through headphones,
slither into DMs,
and touch,
with teeth,
all over their body,
and ours.

Are they ashamed, love?
Only when we speak,
and a publicist shrieks,
that stocks are dropping,
and sales are shocking.
They’re strong and stable,
changing the world,
oh so capable,
until unmasked.
Suddenly, boys,
not men,
but boys,
who couldn’t help,
slight indiscretions,
but please support them,
while they “get better”.

What are we to do, love?
Like and subscribe,
to lifting the voices,
once afraid of being heard.
Send the truth to the top of the charts,
vote for the one who says “I believe you.”
Settle down,
at the cinema,
to watch those who don’t need to be shamed,
to be better.
My name,
is all of yours,
I approve this message.

-x-

The Presence

I’m crazy for you,
and the way you freeze the room,
to tell me, you’re here.

-x-

Basement

As you hold me,
late at night,
when the world is drained,
and distant,
I begin to wonder,
how many days,
you expect me to stay,
tied up in your basement.

-x-

Motherhood

From the second we were together,
I knew you’d be the death of me.
The dreaded double stripe,
and non connecting number,
given by a man I knew I’d never see again,
paled to the way you clawed at my insides.
Though I held you close,
until the day of your escape and ascension,
every second was hell.

I would scream,
for freedom,
release,
death,
and I could hear you,
gurgling and giggling in my guts,
as you sapped my strength,
and prepared to devour the planet.

-x-

Freddy, My Love

On our first date,
I trembled as you drew closer,
my pearls were ice,
against my neck,
as I traced and cherished each letter of your name.
Freddy,
my love,
you haunt my desires,
my hands, possessed,
wander under your dictation,
until I fill my home,
with the name that aches in my mind,
a masterful migraine,
a rapturous roar.
Freddy,
oh,
Freddy,
my love.

-x-

Cupcakes From Damien

He says he loves me,
and nobody could love me more,
and he has left cupcakes,
by the door,
so I can taste his passion.

He says he has baked
the day he first saw me,
and each sleepless night since,
underneath vanilla icing,
and left them at my door.

He says he longs for me,
and he calls every number I have,
an unrepentant bingo bastard,
until I scream that I won’t play,
and I don’t want his cupcakes.

He feeds his fantasies,
but I won’t let him feed me.

-x-

Are YOUR Children In A Cult?

She’s very “Saint Tropez”,
whatever that means.
A vaporwave vixen,
God’s girlfriend,
sending the good word,
through small screens,
and leading the children off a cliff.

-x-

Haunted

I didn’t watch a tape,
hunt for a haunted house,
or stare into a mirror,
while whispering your name,
into the icy night,
and yet,
every night,
you appear.
I lock my windows,
and doors,
pray that my heart will sleep,
as soon as my head hits the pillow,
so I won’t dream of you.

-x-

Bradley’s Girls

Bradley is my boy,
until he wakes up,
opens his eyes,
and falls in love,
all over again,
with everyone he sees.

A one woman man,
with a short attention span,
and a desire,
to keep us in a collection.
All of Bradley’s girls,
live in his heart,
and are a mangled mess at the back of his wardrobe.

-x-

Babydoll

Baby,
pay attention to me,
or you’ll see what I can do,
when you make me mad,
daddy,
when you make me blue.

You told your phone to forget,
the naughty nights,
away from home,
but Babydoll,
has a memory you don’t control,
and she’s still waiting.

Baby,
you better call me back,
or you’ll see what I can do,
when you make me mad,
daddy,
when you make me blue.

You ask Babydoll “forget”,
she shakes her head.
building a plan,
is Babydoll,
to punish the one who broke her heart.
Soothed by her seething.

Baby,
give me what I want,
or you’ll see what I can do,
when you make me mad,
daddy,
when you make me blue.

You beg back home, “forgive”,
maybe she will,
maybe she won’t,
but Babydoll,
isn’t in that mood, she wants to play.
Are you playing?

Baby,
I told you we’re not through.
now you’ll see what I can do,
when you make me mad,
daddy,
when you make me blue.

-x-

Heart

I went to New Orleans,
with you,
in my mind.
I had never felt such desire,
as when my eyes,
desperately draped themselves all over you,
and I knew,
you had my heart.

I drank your hair,
my blood,
and the light of the moon,
as the voices of the universe,
shook the ground,
until it pushed us together,
and I knew,
you had my heart.

You couldn’t resist dark, desperate passion,
that had been given wings,
and teeth, by a woman who warned me away.
My love circled your head,
and pecked until I could sit inside,
and I knew,
I had your heart.

When I was through,
crawling from your brain,
to do the walk of shame,
you clung to me,
and offered me a reason to stay.
Your lungs,
leaked through a hole,
in your chest,
but I couldn’t say yes,
though I knew,
I had your heart.

-x-

April Jane, And The Curious Case Of The Disappearing Dad

Screams at night,
that I first suspected,
came from the dolls,
at the end of my bed.

Fearless,
I scolded them.
“Don’t wake the neighbours.”
Back to sleep, I went.

Until more screams,
the dolls shrugged and wept,
as I rose from my bed,
and placed my ear to the door.

“HOW MANY?”
“I DON’T KNOW.”
“I’M CALLING THE POLICE.”
“I CAN’T LET YOU GO.”

A thud,
more weeping from the dolls,
and mother too,
I go back to sleep.

The next day,
dad went away,
to join Mum’s other friends.
I left flowers for him.

-x-

Dining At The End Of The World

We were so sweet,
hands clasped,
as we strolled
to the end of the world.

To run felt futile,
when I was happy,
to fade from life’s sky,
for the girl,
with a smile that all the stars envied.

You didn’t need to say a word,
I saw, before, when we ran,
the way the madness clamped it’s jaw,
around your dainty ankle,
and roared “No more.”

We strolled,
you hobbled,
to the end of the world,
where the madness took you,
and then, me,
ever so willingly.

We were so sweet,
when we ate each other whole,
dining at the end of the world,
with candles by our side,
and each other’s calves,
between our teeth.


Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

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Listen to”Past Preston” here

RECENT FREE CREATIVE WRITING COLLECTIONS
Are You Afraid?
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Summer Of Love

RECENT BLOGS
Jim Chapman’s “147 Things” Review
How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).

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Are You Afraid?

Hola amigos,

I hope you’ve been doing well.

The latest episode of my podcast is now available, and you can find links here, as well as the new episode guide, which will allow you to go directly to the poetry and stories in the podcasts, if you would like to read them again.

I will also be recording a special Halloween edition of my podcast, which will be available on Tuesday evening, just in time for Halloween, along with uploading a brand new poetry collection, themed around horror and fear. I can’t wait for you to see them!

Besos,

J x


Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

Order “The Things We Did Last Summer” here

Order “Home Wrecker” here

Listen to”Past Preston” here

RECENT FREE CREATIVE WRITING COLLECTIONS
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Baby Steps


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How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).
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The Game

Fifteen.
Nervous,
naive,
knee length skirt.
At a desk,
next to a boy I’d spoken to,
maybe once or twice.

Then he is joined,
by a friend I’ve never met,
and they engage,
in a game,
he normally saves,
for just before bed.
I try to look away,
but he tells me to look.

They tell me I am playing,
and reach for the woman
who lives where I do not dare to share.
She is sleeping,
and doesn’t know the rules.
They grab her from her cotton castle,
and I am in the game,
bound to lose.

We are both frozen,
unable to run,
afraid of what we’ve done,
or haven’t,
to be more accurate,
and when the boys are done,
we are numb,
and full of questions,
that we will never ask.

We will never play again,
we are not sure if we even did,
or if we were just sat,
a lone, broken battleship,
at the mercy of invasion,
from a boy “just being a boy”.


Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

Order “The Things We Did Last Summer” here

Order “Home Wrecker” here

Listen to”Past Preston” here

RECENT FREE CREATIVE WRITING COLLECTIONS
Ladylike
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Baby Steps


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How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).
The Best And Worst Of Horror On UK Netflix

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Kneeling In The Garden

Deep under dirt,

I grow,

audacious,

ferocious,

fed by rain,

you sought to deny me,

formally segregated sprinkles.

gettyimages-603553684.jpg

I will grow,

and glow,

under my moonlight,

and bloom,

in the morning,

to kneel,

with all the other flowers,

you denied the right to exist,

in your garden.


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Jim Chapman’s “147 Things” Review

TV Presenter, model and YouTuber, Jim Chapman has opened up to share his view on the world, in his new book 147 Things.  After capturing the hearts of millions through his YouTube channel, and branching into the worlds of television and fashion, Jim Chapman is now stepping into the world of books.

Jim_Chapman_by_Gage_Skidmore_(edited)

Jim became so popular on YouTube for his honest, humorous take on life,  and he has managed to replicate this in the book 147 Things. Fans and newbies to Jim alike will find something to relate to, likely several things, throughout the book, and at a time when it’s easy to feel isolated and overwhelmed by the world, 147 Things is the perfect way to cool down and take the world in slightly smaller pieces.

In some ways, the book is autobiographical, containing many facts and anecdotes about Jim’s life, while also containing Jim’s tips for navigating the universe, and his hand picked favourite facts about the world we find ourselves in.

The book gives an array of fascinating facts, and a look into Jim’s life and perspective, and is a great introduction for new fans, but would also be enjoyable to long term fans of Jim.

IMG_5530

My personal favourite of the 147 Things was Thing 73: Zombies actually do exist, they’re just really tiny. You all know how I feel about zombies, so it was nice to see them get a mention, and without spoiling it, I was fascinated by the science behind this particular fact.

There are 146 other exciting things to discover, from Jim’s book 147 Things, and the book was clearly a project that Jim was passionate about, as so much research has gone into each page.

There are many who will roll their eyes at the idea of YouTubers writing and releasing books, but 147 Things is, in my opinion, proof that maybe those in doubt (or perhaps envy, if some writers are honest with themselves…) should look again. The benefits of Youtubers writing and releasing books has been discussed multiple times, it encourages reading in younger demographics, it helps to boost profits in the publishing industry and it is another step to breaking down the absurd gate keeping in the writing industry. 147 Things is a playful and thoughtful exploration of the journey we all take, and the questions we all have, and will not only encourage fans of Jim to engage with reading, but will also give a new perspective on the age old “YouTubers doing books” debate. Many YouTube fans enjoy YouTube, and watching vloggers, because in a world that gets scarier every day, they are able to find a small window of escape, and Jim has succeeded in taking what makes his channel so popular, and sending it out to the world as a book.

Feel free to pick up your own copy now, or check out the audiobook, which features an exclusive Q&A with Jim himself.

If you enjoy the book, you’ll also love Jim’s YouTube channel, so be sure to check it out here too.

Besos,

J x


This book was sent to me for review purposes, but all opinions are my own


Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

Order “The Things We Did Last Summer” here

Order “Home Wrecker” here

Listen to”Past Preston” here

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Ladylike
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How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).
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Project Updates and Free Books :)

Hello loves,

I just wanted to give you a quick update on some of the projects I’ve been working on.

Firstly, today, you can now download or stream my first single, Past Preston, on all major platforms, such as Spotify, Amazon and Apple Music. 

past preston jennifer juan

Past Preston is the first part of the Drowning In Us project. I’ll be releasing more over the next few months. Originally it was just going to be a short film, but I’ve expanded it and worked on so many aspects, so it will now be available to you in many ways. There will be music, a book of poetry and short stories, and of course, the film, and I’m really excited to share everything with you!

To celebrate the release, you can get a free kindle copy of both Stormy Weather and my latest collection, Home Wrecker, today only, on Amazon.

I’m also working on some live dates so that we can share poetry in person, and I can’t wait to share more information on that, and some other projects, with you soon.

For now, you can check out my podcast, which regularly has readings of my older work, and previews of upcoming projects. It’s available on iTunes, Podbay, Toppodcast, Castbox and Anchor.

Besos,

J x


Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

Order “The Things We Did Last Summer” here

Order “Home Wrecker” here

Listen to”Past Preston” here

RECENT FREE CREATIVE WRITING COLLECTIONS
Ladylike
Summer Of Love
Baby Steps


RECENT BLOGS
How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker
It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).
The Best And Worst Of Horror On UK Netflix

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How I wrote “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker

Today is World Mental Health Day, and so I decided to give you a little insight into how I created one of the most personal poems in my latest book, “Depression Is Not Real?” from Home Wrecker.

Firstly, I had to acknowledge that depression is in fact real. It isn’t that I had doubted that, I was well aware of it being a real thing, I just didn’t think it was a real thing for me. When I was twenty two, I was at one of the lowest points in my life (so far). I had lost people close to me, I had just broken up with my fiance, my wrestling career had gone to shit before it had even really got going, I couldn’t find a job, and I felt worthless. My very first published book, Tiffany, Pls (sorry Stormy Weather) had been a commercial failure, because I’d yet to learn about marketing, and wasn’t ready at all to be releasing things. Also, it wasn’t exactly my best work, and arguably made little to no sense, but in my defence, I wrote most of it at a point in my life when I was drunk a lot and watching my entire world fall apart, so, you know.

On the bright side, during this time, I got to feel the lovely arms of my muffin, William Regal, around me, and I wrote “Glasgow Caledonian” from “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls”, during a very quick but eventful trip to Glasgow, so it wasn’t ALL bad.

I felt like nothing was going right for me, but I still tried to keep it upbeat, insisting that this was just the really shit part at the beginning of my story before I went on to bigger and better things (it turns out that I was right, but this isn’t the point…).

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Smiling in a picture is also very off brand for me anyway, so that’s a real indicator that the happiness in this picture is fake. I was desperately trying to pretend everything was good, because I didn’t know what else to do.

I later found a job, and things in my life did start to improve, but I still felt just as low, if not worse than before, and it wouldn’t go away. I would have long periods of time when I wouldn’t want to eat, or get out of bed. I would have moments where I genuinely thought I’d be better off dead. I’d have days where I would replay my life over and over, crying and wishing things could be different, staring at my reflection for hours on end, hating what I saw, and thinking everyone else hated me too.

I stayed in denial for quite some time, as if it was some kind of comfy blanket, because even though deep down, I knew I needed help, admitting that felt like I was just finding another thing that was wrong with me.

After many arguments, conflicts and so on with my family, they basically staged an intervention of sorts and insisted that I had to get help. I was mad as hell at the time, but it was the right thing to do.

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If they hadn’t intervened, this photo wouldn’t exist, and I never would have got to stand at the top of Blackpool Tower, feeling my model fantasy, because I probably would have died. Like not to be dramatic, but I honestly probably would have.

I made an appointment with the doctor, and it was an awkward affair. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, and I felt like I was coming across as one of those “whiney snowflake millennials” you read about in angry right wing newspapers, even though I’d always thought those articles were stupid. It’s funny, because I’m no stranger to mental health. Many people in my life have struggled with it, and I had no problem helping and supporting them, but the idea of it being something I now needed help with was very difficult to comprehend. I have always been someone who likes to do things themselves, and am quite independent and private, so suddenly having to let other people in and let them help me freaked me the fuck out.

I started a course of anti depressants, which didn’t do much for me, but I also started a CBT course that was very helpful (once I got past my hang ups about talking to strangers), and I was able to rationalise a lot of my fears, anxieties, and a lot of the things I’d been unable to process before, while also finding new ways to deal with my thoughts and feelings.

This was all, of course, quite a while ago, and while I do have moments of struggle every now and again, I am doing a lot better. I was inspired to write “Depression Is Not Real?”, not just by my own experiences, but by the constant shouting of “Depression isn’t real!” by people who tend to have very little experience of it. I know it’s a cliche, but to be honest, if you haven’t experienced it, it is hard to understand. Even I, as someone who had been around people who had dealt with depression for almost my whole life, found it very hard to truly understand it until I was in the situation, and even during that, I was confused as hell. I wanted to try and create something that explained my personal journey with depression, and how it felt for me, to try and explain the harsh realities of it, for those who simply refuse to believe it’s a real thing.

I began, as I often do, with a stream of consciousness. This is one of my favourite things to do when writing, as it allows me to draw out all the things I associate with a subject, and gives me a great starting point. It was quite a personal thing, so it was difficult to get everything together, but quite cathartic as well. I decided to personify depression, as personification is one of my favourite literary devices, but it also helped demonstrate how I felt. Sometimes, when I looked at myself, I saw another person, it was kind of like me, but like, a mirror universe version. Sometimes, the entire thing felt like self sabotage. My mind wanted me to be fulfilled, and happy, but it prevented that. That may not be the facts, I’m not a scientist, but that’s how it felt at the time.

Once I had a basic outline of the kind of themes and language I was looking to use, I started trying to edit down what I had, so that it was vaguely usable, and several edits later, I had the final product.

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The final product.

Me as a final product? I’m doing okay. I have good days, I have bad days. I’m more open about my feelings, and it helps me to handle them better. When I say that I’m grateful for the support of my followers on social media, here on my blog, or anywhere else y’all like to hang out, I really mean it. Not just because your support enables me to do what I love, but also because when I was sitting in my room, staring at the walls and wishing I was dead, I never imagined that one day, I would have a community of friends to share my life with. Thank you, and please, today, and every day, look after yourself.

Besos,

J x


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The Kidnapped Prince Of Iceland

Awoken from Iceland,

I sigh.

Fly high,

for breakfast,

before staring,

aimlessly,

at shameless tourists.

Beat up the windows,

Ask me to dance.

I will not dance.

Tilikum_(orca)_(Shamu).jpg

I’m so far away,

and they push pills in me,

and starve me out,

to bring me closer.

I lay still,

where nobody can see,

surrounded by tortured strangers,

that have become family.

I will not dance.

Bottom of the pool,

waiting for Iceland.

I will not dance for you,

in your cheap, chlorine hell.

My body belongs to the sea.


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It’s Time To Talk About EVE (Because Many People In The Wrestling Industry Won’t).

Everybody is talking about EVE lately. Absolutely everyone! That is… except for wrestling media, you know, the people who are literally employed to talk about wrestling. It’s undeniable that EVE have been opened to whole new audiences through literal months of mainstream exposure. Mainstream reporters can’t get enough of them (I don’t blame them), and it seems like every week, EVE is covered in a new article, or they’ve sold out another show (so much for “women don’t sell tickets”) or one of their talents has had huge success. Now, Buzzfeed, The BBC, and Kate Fucking Nash are talking about EVE, so why are they still treated like Billy Lenz from Black Christmas (unrelated but please watch this classic movie, amen), when they’re doing so well?

Let’s have a look at some possibilities…

  1. Could it be that EVE is a female centric promotion? 

Possibly. Acknowledging the success and mainstream attention that EVE have received over the last few months involves acknowledging that women are entirely responsible for this, and you’d have to be delusional to think that there aren’t still some in the wrestling media who have a problem with this.

In terms of content, EVE are undeniably a feminist group, and it could be argued that some in the wrestling media want a women’s revolution, but don’t want one that takes the narrative from men, and centres the revolution around women lifting themselves and others from the shadows, and taking opportunities, instead of a man being generous enough to give them that new platform. If you look at WWE’s alleged women’s revolution, for example, the majority of content produced has made sure to give special thanks to Triple H, as if he did something incredibly generous by allowing women more than two minutes per match on NXT. Not to be harsh, but men really shouldn’t be applauded for investing time and resources equally for their talents. Triple H didn’t do anything amazing, he just did what he, and others in his position, should have been doing for a long time.

EVE is very clear that their revolution, which happened several years ahead of many current attempts, is by women and for women, and it’s very easy to see why some of wrestling media could be intimidated by that fact.

2.  Is it because EVE is determined to make women feel welcome in wrestling? 

I don’t want to hear “not all men!” I know that it isn’t all men. I’m very aware. However, you would have to be either a liar or delusional to say that there isn’t a huge problem with the treatment of women, predominantly by men, in both the wrestling industry and the wrestling fandom.

Female talents are often harassed, some are even abused, and the same is true for female fans. Women in wrestling are often made to feel like they don’t belong, and that if they are allowed to belong, it’s only because “They’re not like the other girls. They’re one of the boys.” A woman, more often than not, can either belong, under certain conditions, or be isolated. EVE say “Fuck no” to that.

Not only do their shows give a platform for women across the wrestling industry to showcase their talent, but their shows give a safe space for women to enjoy wrestling. I know that people are sick of the phrase “safe space”, but honestly, I think we are sick of requiring safe spaces. I don’t think I’ve met a female wrestling fan, or female wrestler who doesn’t have at least one story of being verbally attacked, sexually harassed and even sexually assaulted at a wrestling event. It isn’t enough to say “We won’t put up with it”, when this happens. It is time to say actually show this, by kicking troublemakers out of shows, making sure fans and talent are heard when they have an issue, and generally, making your show a place where people feel safe, which is something EVE do, but many other promotions are failing at, when it really isn’t that hard.

EVE have been vocal in support for abuse survivors, and have made it clear that they will do all they can to make all of their fans and talent feel safe, and they don’t just tweet about it and then ignore their duties, they actually stick to it. Many promotions will talk a good game about making their shows safe, but will still book abusers, and will either ignore fan criticism, or get overly defensive about what is actually a fair point, EVE is not only not doing that, but they’re calling out places that do.

3. Is it because EVE are giving too many women ideas?

I know, this one sounds a bit out there, but hear me out. As I mentioned earlier, there seems to be a great desire, in the wrestling industry, and in many wrestling media outlets to roll with the idea that Triple H, Patron Saint Of Women’s Wrestling, and his wife Stephanie “Philanthropy is the future of marketing, it’s the way brands are going to win” McMahon blessed us with the women’s revolution, and basically invented women’s wrestling, and they absolutely did it because they love us, and not because they could clearly see they were losing money from women’s wrestling fans who were migrating to promotions that gave a shit about women. This is, of course, not true. Stephanie McMahon’s husband, as important to women’s wrestling as he may be marketed, did not in fact, invent or even popularise women’s wrestling. Women’s wrestling has always been there. This revisionist history is to remove the narrative of women doing great things, and to replace it with the narrative of men being nice enough to encourage women to do nice things, but only certain women.

EVE, at it’s core, removes the second narrative all together. It is literally women, saying to other women, “You got this. We got this.”

I remember, from my own misadventures in wrestling, meeting EVE’s poster lady, Rhia O’Reilly, and instantly feeling so welcomed and supported by her. She was somebody who constantly encouraged me, even when I must have been incredibly frustrating to work with, and she never gave up on me. Now, I may not have become the cool wrestler I dreamed of, but I became one hell of a manager, and I would throw a lot of credit for that to Rhia, and women like her, many of whom are a part of EVE, for seeing a girl who was clearly overwhelmed and intimidated, and giving her the confidence to go for it. Sometimes, all that is needed is the simple message of “You belong here too. Please stay.” to keep someone from turning away from something they love, and EVE have done this for countless women, both in the industry and the fandom.

Now, imagine if, with the encouragement of a loud and proud, feminist wrestling promotion, more women took this encouragement and applied it to other aspects of wrestling. Currently, many women don’t find success in wrestling outlets, such as magazines, youtube channels and podcasts, because of the abuse women in those positions face, but what if they had a promotion… like, a female promotion, that backed them 100%, offered encouragement and happily supported women across the wrestling media.

I mean, if I was a fragile misogynist, EVE would scare the shit out of me too.

Find out more about EVE by visiting their website.

Besos,

J x


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The best and worst of Horror on UK Netflix

Hola amigos!

As usual, I’ve been watching many diabolical things, in an attempt to discover something that frightens me more than the prospect of Brexit, and my streaming service of choice is Netflix. Netflix has a lot to offer, but tends to lack a lot of key horror titles, but I’m here to take you through some of the best horrors I could find, and some that you’re better off avoiding.


The Best

The Invitation

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A very convincing argument for never speaking to your ex again.

The Invitation is what I will show anyone that tries to convince me that my policy of completely erasing exes from my life is self destructive. Our hero, Will arrives at his gorgeous former home with his new girlfriend, for dinner with his ex wife. It is quickly revealed that the pain of their young son’s death caused Will and his wife to divorce.

Of course, people handle things in different ways, and at different paces, and to the rest of the world, Will’s ex wife Eden seems to be moving forward in her life, but underneath her smile and equally smiley husband (a sure sign that something is wrong in horror, would be an abundance of smiling) lies a very dark truth to how Eden has recovered so well.

Without spoiling too much (I know, I always do that!), The Invitation really looks at the idea of whether we as people are every truly capable of knowing each other, and knowing the true capabilities of those around us, as well as giving a definitive answer to whether the past really should remain in the past (brief spoiler alert, it definitely should).

Black Mirror

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The future is bright, but it scares the shit out of me.

Now, some wouldn’t consider Black Mirror to be horror, but I personally would. Perhaps not all of it is horrific (San Junipero says hello, and I’m crying all over again), but there are many horror aspects, and so one could argue it is a horror anthology, and, well, I am.

One of the most frightening parts of Black Mirror is coming face to face with how truly awful we have the potential to be. Why fear ghosts and creatures when monsters are walking past us every day, right? Charlie Brooker has succeeded in showing the reality of every day life and human nature, and how it can lead to chaos, destruction, and unfortunate pig related incidents.

I’d personally say that my favourite episodes were “National Anthem” and “Playtest” but I’ve never finished an episode and felt unsatisfied, so I’m sure you’ll enjoy them all.

Shutter

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More trouble with exes..

Now, I’ve been very vocal about how disappointing western remakes of eastern horror can be (Death Note, I’m looking at you), but Shutter is definitely one of the better ones.

As Ben and his new wife Jane travel to Tokyo to start their new life as a married couple, they think nothing could go wrong. This is a horror movie, and so, of course, they are wrong. The trouble begins when Jane hits a girl with their car, and the girl vanishes without a trace.

They try, as people in horror movies often do, to forget about the situation and move on with their lives, but of course, that just isn’t going to happen, as Ben’s photographs begin to show signs of spirit photography, leading Jane to begin unravelling the mystery of Megumi Tanaka, and the horrific truth of her connection to the newlyweds.

As mentioned, it is one of the better adaptations of an eastern horror, and will certainly deliver more scares with less lazy crossover writing than some of it’s peers.

The Mist

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Dreams, after all, are insubstantial things, like mist itself.

With the recent release of It, many of us will be looking for something Stephen King related to continue the scares after watching, and The Mist is the perfect option. The movie adaptation is a favourite among many horror fans, for it’s terrifying visuals, and breathtakingly bleak ending, and the television series does a great job of continuing the universe of King’s original story.

I must admit, I was hesitant to begin watching the show, as The Mist genuinely troubled me when I watched it, many years ago, on Sky Movies, when my mum was out of the house and couldn’t stop me, but I’m very glad that I put my self inflicted childhood trauma aside and gave it a chance.

With an impressive cast, and the opportunity to delve further into the story than the movie adaptation, it is definitely an enjoyable show for fans of Stephen King, and honestly, anybody else.


The Worst

Unfriended

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Please, little girl, take this lollipop…

Unfriended was an ambitious idea, and so I will give them credit for that. Focusing the entire audience perspective on social media is certainly original, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it was the right step. I applaud the originality but I feel the movie relied on that gimmick too much, and didn’t give proper attention to character development.

One of the key things with horror, is creating characters that people care about. If you I don’t care about the characters, why should I care when they die, or get damned to hell, or eaten, or whatever you’re doing to them. One of the curses of modern horror is reliance on jump scares or quirky gimmicks, to cover up that a story doesn’t make sense, or the characters are poorly developed, and Unfriended is definitely guilty of that.

I suppose the message of “Don’t cyber bully” is nice to see in a mainstream movie, but I couldn’t really get past how weak the writing was, and so the message was lost, for me.

The Green Inferno

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We get it, Eli, you’re really edgy.

If you’re ready for more poorly developed, unlikable characters, then you may enjoy The Green Inferno.

Now, as many of you may know, I am not the biggest fan of Eli Roth (although, I did think Hostel was great), and so perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, but honestly, for someone who is hailed as one of the brightest stars in the horror genre, I expect better, and The Green Inferno was a massive disappointment.

I’ve mentioned this before, but one of the most annoying parts of The Green Inferno, for me, was the mess of messages for the audience. It was so difficult to pin down who I was supposed to sympathise with, or if I was even supposed to care at all. A lot of the time, it felt like it tried to emulate the message of Cannibal Holocaust (We think that indigenous people are savages, but WE are the savages), but they also shoved a whole bunch of 4chan worthy shit on top that it was lost. We get it, Eli, you’re really edgy. We get it.

One of my problems with The Green Inferno was that, while admittedly it was a homage to Italian cannibal movies, and so would naturally have similarities to many existing ones, including Roth’s blatant main muse, Cannibal Holocaust, it didn’t feel like Roth did anything new with the genre, or the resources available to him. It felt like the kind of thing kids would make on windows movie maker, for a GCSE media class, but with a bigger budget, rather than feeling like a movie made in tribute, but with original thoughts and ideas behind it, so the whole thing just came off as lazy.

The only interesting or slightly likeable characters turned out to be the tribe, and so I wasn’t too bothered as they picked off most of the characters I was meant to be rooting for.

Roth also got overly defensive, when accused by Survival International of continuing to give a platform to negative stereotypes about indigenous people, saying “The idea that a fictional movie about a fictional tribe could somehow hurt indigenous people when gas companies are tearing these villages apart on a daily basis is simply absurd.”

I get defending things you create, to a point, but this seems like a case of a creative never having had to face major criticism before, maybe because the entire genre they dominate keeps telling them how clever they are, and how special they are, and then getting defensive when confronted with genuine criticism, because it hurts their ego.

He went on to say “The fear that somehow a movie would give them ammunition to destroy a tribe all sounds like misdirected anger and frustration that the corporations are the ones controlling the fates of these uncontacted tribes.”

The fact is, dehumanisation of marginalised people is what keeps them marginalised, and this is partly done by the media and entertainment industry, so, yes, while the movie didn’t drive the whole world to attack uncontacted tribes, it is part of the fabric of their dehumanisation, and to say that these things don’t influence or vindicate prejudiced people, who kill people who stand in the way of profit, is naive at best, and ignorant at worst, because they are only able to kill those people, because they have been so dehumanised that they no longer see them as people. Attacks on indigenous people are still a reality and while I wouldn’t say writers and film makers should never touch on subjects like this, they should at least try and be responsible, and not act like people being offended by their bad treatment of sensitive topics is unfair.

Eli Roth is a grown man, a grown man of 45 fucking years old. If he’s grown enough to make his little cannibal movie, he should be grown enough to defend it without shouting down people’s opinions, and throwing a tantrum because people don’t “get” him, and actually confront his work with criticism.


Besos,

J x

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