Posted in Blog

Girl Afraid

Yes.

The way is clear.

If I just say,

yes,

maybe I can appear so brave,

that my doubts will fear me,

and I will be free of them,

and free to be whatever I’d like to be.

I watch a man at the bus stop,

with a broken heart,

restart the same Smiths song,

every time it threatens to leave him,

because somebody left him,

fickle love,

that never tells the truth about its true intentions.

My cards,

and my angels,

surround me at night,

like a frustrated frame,

always arguing the same point,

that I will never know,

if I live my life,

always saying “No.”

A mother and son,

pass by,

hand in hand,

hearts promising to never forget these days,

when they are everything to each other,

never foreseeing teenage rage,

parental disappointment,

or just the way that life fucks with good people.

I say yes,

in my head,

though I know all the ways it could backfire,

because,

I want you.

Don’t I?

I do.

I know I do.

I can’t stop talking about you.

In my words,

in my sleep,

spelling your name in my synapses.

I’ve wanted you long enough,

to know that it isn’t just my impulsive urges,

leading me off a cliff,

and that this must be the kind of thing,

that might make me sit at a bus stop,

asking Morrissey why,

when you aren’t mine anymore.

I don’t know if it’s…

a word I’m choosing to withhold,

for obvious reasons,

but I know that there’s something.

Something about you,

something that you do,

that I can’t let go of,

something about life without you,

that I don’t want.

So,

I say yes,

any time,

any place,

any way that you want me,

as long as you do.

I am frightened,

but I think I’m convincing,

because my doubts are hiding behind their mother’s shoes.

Posted in Blog

In Celebration of Single Mothers

She’s split in two,

guarding her cubs,

everywhere at once,

time is at her beck and call.

Taking twenty four hours,

making it stretch,

the way her child benefit does,

and the sporadic maintenance money,

that she manages to shake,

from reluctant pockets.

She makes sandwiches in her sleep,

house and uniforms clean,

play dates at the park,

homework in the dark,

guarding her cubs,

from abrupt, unfair assumptions,

giving them twice the love,

as she guides them through the jungle,

to the life of their dreams.

Hiding the hunger inside of her,

and the thunder of low expectations,

so the cubs will grow strong,

and roar their names with pride,

throughout the glittering leaves,

that wear rain,

like scars.

Posted in Blog

Sneaking Out Of School

You remind me of sneaking out of school,

finding myself in fields,

where adventure awaits,

if I can be brave enough.

I am thinking of adventure,

as you sleep beside me,
already disturbed several times,

by my inconvenient need to be out of bed.

You forgive me,

welcoming me back into your lair,

holding my hand,

with familiar tenderness,

as you journey back to your own adventure,

and once again,

I am alone,

in a sense.

I see bright sunlight through the trees,

you awake,

the grass is soft against my legs,

when I kiss you,

I feel free,

and there is birdsong in the background.

Posted in Blog

Desire In Dreams

You fall in frustration,

screaming at the soft carpet that greets you,

because I torture you,

ever elusive,

long legs,

across your desk,

long monologue,

where I pretend not to notice,

that you want me.

I talk about it some more,

your desire is my world,

and all the world’s a stage,

for girls like me.

My lips are soft,

and yours are cursing me,

they collide every time I try to continue speaking,

because you’re rushing me,

for your own sake,

and eventually mine.

I watch you lose your mind.

Last night,

I dreamed that we went to see a movie,

stuck to the seats,

as your hands decided to be sordid,

hungry for something the snack counter didn’t stock,

I was devoured by a demon that had already consumed my soul,

and I woke up from that,

like nothing was wrong.

How does that make you feel?