Posted in Blog, Personal

Why I Hate Dating In The Modern World

I’m not exactly sure what to say when someone asks me what my “type” is. I don’t think that physically I have a definitive type (I do have a bit of a thing for blondes in suits and a position of power, but I can like other things too), and most of my previous partners have had a variety of looks and aesthetics.

I think that my “type” boils down more to the kind of person a person is (that is a clunky sentence and it hurts me to look at it, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it, sorry), rather than how they look. I know that is a cliché, and what almost everyone says so that they don’t appear shallow, but it’s pretty true for me.

I would say that my type is polite, romantic and a little weird (for the record, I mean unusual and kooky, rather than peculiar and kind of frightening), and I have to be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble finding that online. I’m sure that some people I’ve spoken to, or even met up with have been like that, but the nature of swiping, texting and so on makes it difficult for a person to demonstrate that.

Yes, in the last few months, I have been investigating and, well, I suppose, participating in online dating, and so far, it’s been dreadful.

My first issue centres around my need for someone a little out there. Rather than finding someone a little out there, I’m almost constantly ending up in conversations with people who are not just “out there” but literally on another planet. I’m looking for someone who maybe has unusual hobbies, or with an accent that I wouldn’t hear in the south, not someone who may be on the sex offenders register. It’s very hard to filter that out when nobody really bothers to fill out profiles, so you have no way to tell in advance.

To be fair, at least this guy read my fucking profile long enough to figure out I liked wrestling. That’s more than most, but is that how low the bar is? He kind of read the paragraph or so that I wrote about myself, so he MUST be the one?

Yes. One of the major issues is that people barely fill out their profiles, instead, electing to fill them up with crap like “Just talk to me to find out about me…” or “If you want to know, ask…”


Sweetie. I’m here trying to meet people, I’m not here for some mystery nonsense. I understand that it can be frustrating to fill them out and try and sell yourself to random strangers, but these days, they are a lot easier due to the apps giving you guidelines and tips, so I’m not really sure why so many don’t bother. If you can’t take five minutes to list a little bit about your personality and what films you like, or whatever, then are we even going to have anything to talk about?

Speaking of “conversation” (using that term loosely). The vast majority of conversations are incredibly formulaic. The usual greetings, a quick check on how each other are, a polite enquiry as to what we’re looking for, and how much success we have had so far, and then an awkward request for pictures, a meeting, or both. Yawn.

I’m not expecting, or even looking to be swept off my feet on an instant messenger, but surely something a little less tried and tested, wouldn’t be out of the question? The whole thing seems so emotionless, and tedious. I’m not sure how you can truly say you’re getting to know someone if you are having the same conversation over and over. It isn’t for lack of trying on my part, I promise, because, believe me, I’ve tried to have more interesting conversations, but you can only converse with parties who are willing to follow where you’re going, or you end up back in the land of “Yeah, how’s you. How are you finding the site. Got many messages? Can I see some pics?”

Now some will tell you that this is only an issue with online messages, but I’m now reaching a point where I don’t buy that. Perhaps it’s because before the end of last year, I hadn’t been on many dates for a long time, but I don’t remember them being so boring. I’m not saying everything should be like Before Sunrise, but for fuck’s sake. Perhaps it is my own fault for agreeing to in person dates with people who I had no chemistry with on the terrible apps, but how else am I supposed to find someone?

Perhaps it is due to the nature of modern matching techniques, that are primarily based on appearance and sexual compatibility. If the focus for most is hooking up, then regardless of what you’re actually looking for, the majority of responses you get will involve that, especially as most people don’t even seem to read profile text all the way through.

This has nothing to do with my blog post, but it came up when I was searching for stock pictures of people on dates, and it was too cute for me not to use.

I am aware that 90% of what I’m typing seems overdramatic and old fashioned as hell, but I am nothing if not overdramatic and old fashioned. I’m sorry, it is who I am, and I don’t know, it just kind of feels like modern dating, with apps and the same old conversations that actually offer no clue about the other person whatsoever, have nothing to offer me. Maybe I’m being completely reasonable to want to just talk about fun, normal, non sexual stuff for a little before someone asks to see me naked, or maybe I have to just accept that times have changed, and that is just the way conversations happen now. I don’t know. I just want to be spoken to like a person that someone is interested in getting to know, instead of someone who they think can be undressed with copy and pasted sentiments, and the same conversation he or she has had with about twenty other people in their inbox.

So, am I destined to die alone? Will I have to figure out another method of finding someone to love? I don’t know right now. I don’t know if I’ll find my perfect match with modern methods, admittedly, I doubt it, but you never know, and to be frank, it’s where most people are looking, so it’s my best shot, even if I have to leave a lot of frogs on read to find my prince or princess charming.

Order “Stormy Weather” here

Order “Last Of The Greenwich Glamour Girls” here

Order “The Things We Did Last Summer” here

Order “Home Wrecker” here

Listen to”Past Preston” here

Are You Afraid?
Summer Of Love

A Letter To My Fifteen Year Old Self
MYSIGN: The Elements
Jim Chapman’s “147 Things” Review

Ask Jen

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