mar sin leat

I thought I might drink myself to death,

and see where that got me,

maybe you’d come back,

racked with regret,

if there was nothing,

nobody to come back to.

I told you I loved you,

with an honest smile,

so many times,

that it just became a habit,

a reflex,

intuitively inserting itself into my vocabulary,

when I thought of you,

and now,

I have these words,

that sound weird in my mouth,

because I know they belong to you,

but I know that I can’t let you have them.

I think I was intruding,

as you found another me.

I was tipsy,

boozed up,

brave,

locked up,

leaving my inhibitions,

and common sense on the kitchen side,

typing out a subtler form of

“Excuse me, he’s mine”.

I don’t know if you ever were,

or if I was just your winter romance,

darling distraction,

something to do,

until doomsday came,

and you decided you wanted something new.

I told you,

that you were cruel.

You couldn’t take it.

Turning away from the term,

as if it wounded you.

I was a wounded, wistful, wasted thing,

just asking for a refund,

on those lost months,

and the heart I had hastily given you.