I smile at you,
seven times a day,
noting each down,
in the notebook you presented me,
for my last birthday,
inscribed with instructions on how I should chronicle our continued love,
and all the ways it ebbs and flows.
I just want you to know,
that I know that things aren’t ideal,
that real life was always going to ruin me,
because I don’t know how to exist outside of my dreams,
and my night terrors.
I forgive you,
for giving up,
then finding your way back,
when your heart longed loudly enough,
that you could no longer drown him out.
I smile at you,
so you know,
that it’s complicated,
and sometimes,
you are encased in those complications,
so visible,
but so far away,
so,
I just want you to always know,
that I’m still here,
existing outside of my dreams,
because that’s what it takes.
