Por Amarte Así

I smile at you,

seven times a day,

noting each down,

in the notebook you presented me,

for my last birthday,

inscribed with instructions on how I should chronicle our continued love,

and all the ways it ebbs and flows.

I just want you to know,

that I know that things aren’t ideal,

that real life was always going to ruin me,

because I don’t know how to exist outside of my dreams,

and my night terrors.

I forgive you,

for giving up,

then finding your way back,

when your heart longed loudly enough,

that you could no longer drown him out.

I smile at you,

so you know,

that it’s complicated,

and sometimes,

you are encased in those complications,

so visible,

but so far away,

so,

I just want you to always know,

that I’m still here,

existing outside of my dreams,

because that’s what it takes.