She Call Me “Heartbreaker”

It started with Jay Z’s verse,

in Mariah Carey’s Heartbreaker.

I had heard it thousands of times,

but that time,

in the midst of my own misery,

and eventual heartbreak,

I heard it,

as if it was speaking to me directly.

Shopping in solitude,

because it had been an hour since I’d been adored,

and it made my head hurt,

I was soothed by seeing myself,

in what I’m sure was supposed to be an insult,

because I have been sent back to my Mum,

many a time,

when I give too much,

and need too much,

pretty but paranoid,

chaining myself to the tree of my affections,

never flinching at the saws and laws that say I must desist,

because all I see,

are rainbows,

and where we go,

in my head,

because you are all I need,

but you need someone normal,

and there is a voice in my head,

that tells me this is fate,

every single time,

with every single one,

she just keeps on coming back,

incessantly.