It started with Jay Z’s verse,
in Mariah Carey’s Heartbreaker.
I had heard it thousands of times,
but that time,
in the midst of my own misery,
and eventual heartbreak,
I heard it,
as if it was speaking to me directly.
Shopping in solitude,
because it had been an hour since I’d been adored,
and it made my head hurt,
I was soothed by seeing myself,
in what I’m sure was supposed to be an insult,
because I have been sent back to my Mum,
many a time,
when I give too much,
and need too much,
pretty but paranoid,
chaining myself to the tree of my affections,
never flinching at the saws and laws that say I must desist,
because all I see,
are rainbows,
and where we go,
in my head,
because you are all I need,
but you need someone normal,
and there is a voice in my head,
that tells me this is fate,
every single time,
with every single one,
she just keeps on coming back,
incessantly.
