The Queen of Cluster C

I have…

I have a thing that I’m not ready to discuss out loud,

because it means I have to leave her behind,

the girl I always thought I was.

I am…

I am not okay,

and apparently,

that’s okay,

but it seems very not okay,

when everyone socially distances from my crisis,

like I’m infectious.

I have…

I have always wanted to have a child,

but I’m afraid,

that there is something deep inside of me,

that will find its way to them,

and then,

they will wish I hadn’t bothered,

because it will bother them every day,

following like a hunter,

waiting to strike,

and switch them for someone else,

like it did to me.

I know I would love them,

like nobody else ever would,

the way I love everyone that has the misfortune to meet my heart,

but it wouldn’t be enough,

to earn their forgiveness,

for inflicting it on them.

I am…

I am letters on a letter,

from somebody smarter than me,

that says,

to put it simply,

that I am the Queen of Cluster C,

destined never to be cured,

but keeping it cute,

until I don’t,

and then,

I am not okay,

and it’s not okay,

despite all the tweets and Facebook posts that say something different.