Things That I Have Always Known, But Never Truly Accepted

I’ve had so many epiphanies,

that I keep them on the shelf,

they stare with accusation,

because I couldn’t fix myself.

I stare back,

back on my bullshit,

face to face with my problems,

and everything that comes with being a perpetual, pretty mess,

missing opportunities to find perfect peace,

because I can’t accept that I deserve it.

When I was thirteen,

I was lonely,

but ungrateful for how untouched I’d been by pain,

and I stare at all the realisations I’ve come to,

then abandoned,

and I see a child’s eyes staring back,

so afraid to grow up.