Don’t let me let myself down again.
I’ve been falling for so long that I feel still,
suspended in the air,
softly screaming.
Her name is sewn inside my veins,
explosives pacing up and down my rib cage because she spoke to me again,
and my body feels like it’s too small for my racing, convulsing brain.
The sunlight is sinking into my skin and I can taste it,
like butter and sugar, mashed up together,
I have never felt so alive.
She is eating me alive,
with her mouth closed and that knowing little smirk she knows I love.
I’m all ribbons and curls for her,
wrapped around her little finger,
no longer the preacher’s patient daughter,
I whine,
blinded by my hunger for another kiss.
Once upon a time,
I dreamed of drowning at the seaside,
leaving nothing behind but a beautiful corpse and some malicious rumours,
but now,
I have a new dream,
a new destination.
I’m not self destructing,
and that’s something, right?
My shoes can see the lake at sunset without fearing abandonment.
I haven’t fantasised about failing to come up for air in a very long time.
I always get home in one piece,
and I finally made peace with my part in all my problems,
so I can be left alone,
without falling.
I can stay here, suspended in the air,
softly screaming.
Please don’t let me let myself down,
because there’s nothing down there for me anymore.
Everything is up here,
with her.
Sincerely, Jennifer x 