Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Full

For so long,

I was the love of my life.

Admittedly,

I wasn’t THAT crazy about myself,

but I knew I was all I had,

so I found a way to adore her,

never letting my eyes stray from her dreams,

holding her at night,

as she cried,

keeping her on track.

I knew where I was going.

I knew who I was.

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My heart was empty,

but it was mine,

until you stole it,

and filled it with new dreams,

questions.

I started questioning where I was going.

I started questioning who I was.

My heart was full,

we were fighting over it,

and I let you win.

I let you take the love of my life,

and fill her heart,

and her head with ideas,

so,

now she is yours,

until you leave,

taking your ideas,

your new dreams,

and half of her with you.

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If I sound resentful,

or regretful,

it’s because I am,

because I’m not pretty,

but I’m not dumb either,

(I think that’s how that phrase goes…)

and I’ve been down this road before.

I’ve wanted to believe these things before.

I’ve picked her up, after they leave like this before.

So,

I let you take her,

because she desperately wanted to go,

but when you break her heart,

please,

don’t give her hope that you’ll fix it again,

it just makes it harder for me to do it.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

It’s Okay, Because I Love You

It’s okay,

because I love you.

I used to listen to that song,

all the time,

(No, I won’t sing it,

but buy my albums on iTunes)

because I loved someone,

and I wanted them,

more than I ever knew I could,

because I am the kind of girl,

who wants things so much,

too much,

until they become all that I am,

swapping identity,

for senseless longing,

leaving every other aspect of my life behind,

abandoning myself,

until all that remains is a desperate doormat.

img_7859

Is it the punishment,

for loving you so much?

My Korean might be a bit rusty,

and Christ,

maybe I’m just lonely,

latching on to love wherever it turns up,

so I feel a little more attached to the world,

but that song made so much sense to me,

when I was nineteen,

wildly addicted to giving my heart away,

to people who didn’t want it,

and now,

it does again,

now I’m supposed to be older and wiser,

I hear it,

and I live it,

all over again,

for you.

Someone once told me,

that madness was real,

and I didn’t believe her,

until I wrapped madness in a bow,

and gave it to you,

for valentine’s day.

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I will wait for you,

until forever.

Realistically,

I will,

which is great news for you,

for as long as you love me,

but is a death sentence for me,

for as long as you don’t,

because I dusted off this little song,

for you,

and you might just leave,

or die,

or…

It’s okay,

because I love you.

It’s okay,

because I love you.

It’s okay,

because I love you.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

Call For Submissions!

Hola amigos,

I’m currently working on a really exciting project, and I am looking to feature LGBT+ poets. I am looking for LGBT+ poets who would be interested in sharing readings of their own work, or readings of their favourite poems, as well as LGBT+ poets who would be interested in being interviewed.

Submissions are open worldwide.

If you are interested, please complete your details here.

Besos,

J x

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

New Patreon Content – Playlist Vol.2

Hola amigos,

Supporters of my Patreon and early release programme can now access my upcoming collection of cover songs, Playlist Vol.2.

Members can also access a free copy of my recent book and album, Deus Ex Machina, exclusive behind the scenes content, and unreleased content.

To gain access to this exclusive member’s only area, you will need to be a part of my Patreon or Early Release Programme. To get involved as a subscriber to my Patreon, click here, or click below to log in, if you are already signed up. To enquire about joining the Early Release Programme, please email jennifer@jenniferjuan.com

Members can log in and read the collection, along with other benefits, here. 

Besos,

J x



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Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Let There Be Love

Sometime around my seventeenth birthday,

in fact,

exactly on my seventeenth birthday,

I was sat,

crowded by people who loved me,

staring down a cake,

that made me anxious,

making a wish,

for someone else to love me,

differently,

obviously.

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I wasted a wish,

on a waste of time,

waiting for too long,

for the wrong kind of love,

because I wasn’t worldly enough,

to see it for what it was.

When I closed my eyes,

to ask everything around me,

for the birthday gift nobody could give me,

I heard the last minute or so,

of Let There Be Love,

like I always did,

when I looked at you,

and for a second,

I thought it might come true.