Some would say I’m a bit set in my ways. It wouldn’t be an unfair criticism. I tend to go to the same places, wear the same products, eat the same things, and generally just keep a routine. This is all fine, I suppose, my adventures are normally in my writing. I send my characters into wild situations, because I simply don’t have it in me to deviate from my usual carousel, but recently, I decided to jump off the usual painted horse, and see what else the fairground of life had to offer.
I have a blog, I’m interested in other blogs, so I thought heading out to a blogging event would be a great way to see what else is out there, and so off I went to London, to attend the Blogger’s Ball.
The Blogger’s Ball was an event organised by Scarlett, who has an absolutely beautiful blog that I’m sure you’ll love, and centred around giving Bloggers and vloggers the chance to interact with each other as well as with brands.
I was nervous, then again, I always am, but I was determined to put myself out there and try something new, and it turns out, I tried a lot of new things, and contrary to my initial worries, it was fine. I have always disliked trying new things, because I worry that I won’t like it, and that for a time, as short as it may be, I will be stuck with that choice. If I try a new food and hate it, it’s stuck in my mouth until I deal with that, if I try a new outfit, I might not have time to change into something else, if I watch a new show, I might hate it but feel obliged to finish it because it keeps showing up in my “continue watching” list on Netflix. These are all ridiculous fears, because they aren’t that big of a deal, but they exist, and they wander round my head on a constant basis.
The Bloggers Ball for me was an afternoon of new experiences, and one I’m glad I was a part of. Meeting people who were passionate about the same things, and had faced some of the same difficulties as me was enlightening, and comforting. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just typing to myself, and it can feel lonely, to be collecting so many thoughts in a space to show to a world that might not even want to see, but meeting other people who had thought exactly the same made me realise that a) I wasn’t alone in that, b) More people are probably listening than I realise c) whether people are or aren’t listening, it doesn’t matter, it just matters that you have fun.
I also learned that lavender chocolate was a thing. I have to be real, lavender is my thing. I love the smell of lavender, I love how it looks, I love the colour. You would not believe how much lavender related merchandise I have. If you could be a stan of a plant, I would be a lavender stan. It was at the booth for Seed and Bean chocolate, who have basically done a public service by creating guilt free chocolate, that I discovered lavender chocolate. What you need to know is that lavender chocolate is delicious. How do I know this? Well, I tried some. Now, this may seem like nothing to many, but to me, it is a huge deal. I don’t do new food. I don’t really do new anything, as I’ve spoken about previously. However, I love lavender, and I’m fond of chocolate too, so I decided, on a day where I had promised to try something new, to try lavender chocolate. I made a good choice, a great choice even. It wasn’t overpowering, which I’d been expecting, but subtle and unique, and honestly, I feel like it was a metaphor for the day as a whole. There are things that I love, that if I took a little further, I could love even more, I just have to try and overcome that fear of taking the first step (or bite) and just get stuck into life.
The bloggers ball was a glittering image of all I could be, in my brave new world, and what I could have missed out on, had I kept to the smooth and steady path of my routine. To see so many people reaching for their goals and making things happen for themselves was awesome, and it inspired me to do the exact same. I’m going to try new things (definitely more lavender chocolate) and just see what happens!
Unrelated, but hopefully welcome, below are some new poems 🙂
You fell asleep as I fell in love,
and I loved the longing,
obsessed with obsessing
over each luscious line,
across your forehead,
and out your mouth.
I knew your tales were as tall as your frame,
your humour as blue as your dangerous eyes,
your intentions as pure as a puddle of mud,
and your feelings for me were fickle, perhaps.
I still stayed,
just in case I was wrong,
on your lap,
an obedient optimist,
without the strength,
to be anything but yours.
Regret burns as it trickles down my throat,
chased by the chasers and shot by shots,
nothing will let me forget.
I can’t see what I’ve done,
through a curtain of crying,
and an image of myself,
that I assure myself I’ve yet to lose.
If I were to admit to my affliction,
and under the drunken distraction,
I already have,
but if truth were to dive into denial,
and swim past my defences,
my heart would break,
as easily as yours did.
El Hombre Y Su Flor
I prayed for rain,
when I didn’t trust myself
to grasp what I needed.
and it’s in your nature
to keep my head to the sun,
and my ego fed, and ever growing.
infecting every inch of earth we found,
when I thought
I had burrowed beneath myself,
far from the beaks of birds,
and the might of man,
you nurtured a near dead heart,
until I flourished.
Floral, fanciful and free.
Undressed of my old life,
at the mercy of future’s fashion.
on a travelling cloud towards clarity,
until I found myself at the front of the line,
heading for the unforgiving uncertainty.
Perhaps there is a door,
now I’m dressed up, nice and new,
and I will find a handle,
and get a handle on what happens next.
God and good times
live in every inch of you.
It never clashed,
because you were born to be loved,
and to step two three, step two three
and enchant the bad boys at the bar.
Dancing turns to diamonds,
when every man on the island
is under your spell,
but your focus is familia,
and your face is so familiar,
at the chapel and the clubs.
The darling of the dancehall,
and the honey of the heavens,
you’ll party until life turns up the lights
and you’re played out to paradise.
Brexit Stage Right
There is no dainty divorce,
no hands held under the table
as the ink dries,
and the leftovers are torn to shreds,
so each who is “right” gets a piece.
Dress up your disdain,
for those you’ll leave behind,
for a few more years
of way back when,
and political correctness gone “sane”.
Yet, your “sanity” is frivolous,
and logicless and limitless.
an innocent R was unrolled
as it arrived at your door,
in an effort to please you,
but it was met with your own.
Your R is less lax,
frightening and frightened,
of the unknown,
and the uncharted.
Take it back,
was the plan for the never been taken,
while the never yet lived,
will never get to live.
Where Does Love Live?
pistol whipped by passion,
less is more
until the door closes,
and the world is not witness
to the the damnation
of desperate love.
at the thought of each other,
at the thought of another.
Where do we rest us,
our messy, maddening moments?
In our thoughts,
outside the door,
and in our bodies,
when in private.
we’ve been to all three Charing stations,
each marked with kisses on the map.
Searching for sanctuary
outside knowing looks,
and incriminating emails.
Remembers our rhythm,
or lack thereof in his case.
Foundations of fondness,
insulated by innuendo.
but never vintage enough for the season.
Such a young boy,
was my old boy,
too young for my old heart,
but old enough to know he can’t fix it.
For you, I will.
I’ll never ask it of you,
until you ask it of me.
I’ve thought, of course,
narrowed down the narratives,
as I pinned you down,
wrote us down.
I’ll give you a happy ending,
even though I’m not the touching type,
I might never get you,
but as long as I have you,
I’m not sure I need the instructions,
the destructions could be waiting within,
and I’m better not knowing,
the damage I could do.
For you, I will.
Quite what, I’m not sure,
yet if you ask it of me,
for you, I will.
Not Quite Twins
Each pinnacle reached,
by dismembering my memories,
and crushing new culture where it doesn’t want to fit.
I gaze at each gift
from those who came before me,
that adorns a face I have wished away,
in daily betrayals of who I am.
Butchered the beauty unrecognised,
and painted myself untrue for the world.
This is becoming a speech,
also wished into new form,
until I forget the self I was born with.
She has vanished,
elusive and annoyed,
until I dream.
At night, she uncloaks,
unveils personal truth,
that covers my cunning contour,
unassimilated and unassuming,
she is the purest love I have ever known.
Hola amigos reflexivos,
I hope you’ve all been well. I’ve got some new poetry below which you can check out.
I’ve also been working on some short stories, which aren’t quite finished yet, but are coming along quite nicely. I was inspired after reading the work of my friend that gave me a deeper appreciation of the short story.
Don’t get me wrong, I was always into them, but I’ve never really written them, and so it was fun to delve further into a medium I didn’t often explore. I’ll hopefully post them soon. Of course, they’re romantic (this is me), but there’s a little difference that I’m hoping makes them exciting.
I had a great time working with new characters and scenarios, and it was a great writing experience to do something a little different, so hopefully you’ll enjoy them.
You Get Less For Murder
I’ve tried digging the nails you helped me paint,
under your glowing ground floor to dig deeper.
I wanted to pick parts of my idealism away,
in the hopes that I could plan an escape.
I broke a nail.
Your lips launched on the stinging sensation,
until my frightened finger was calm,
and only shook because it was shy.
I’m getting used to the idea,
like I became used to the in-out-in-out night time respiratory adventures,
and the face you try not to make when I tell you I’m willing to cook.
I count both, the breaths, the culinary reluctance.
Both polite, both pushing my heart to keep up the good work.
I see your stomach ache face in milk sans soy,
and your name is spelled, subtle in the presumptuous playlist we made.
I know, I’ll love you forever.
I just hope you can love me too.
Comparing And Crediting
Even though your eyes
have nothing in common
with the pollution and pain of the ocean,
I see them in wanderlust waves,
dancing to the dunes
and lapping at my legs.
You have no connection
to my compulsion to breathe,
no matter what I’ve told you.
Sometimes I feel it’s me doing you a favour,
but I’d honestly be doing it anyway.
I’ll still let you take the credit,
for the air arranges neatly in my lungs,
no longer pushing and shoving,
since I first breathed for you.
I could easily pick the sun
from a line up that included your smile,
but as bright and beautiful as all things are,
I’d only pick the sun to escape
the gracious glare of your glorious grimace.
The Incarceration Of Mimi
Everyone loves a sing song,
you have them every night in sing sing.
Pad the planks of your prison palace,
butterflies break from the boundaries,
and your eyes plead,
when your lips can’t,
for them to return for you someday.
The grotesque glamour of the diamond dragon,
tail trapping a princess,
in a kingdom she couldn’t explore.
Perhaps, all that glitters is your spirit,
still shining, and still standing,
under more strain than your smile will show.
The stars are shippers,
kept young by the scenes we play out,
and the dreams we send up,
and the arrogant apprehension of our affection.
We know we have an audience,
and we play like Kardashians,
the cosmos slipping off their seats,
while we cut to a commercial.
Let me imagine,
that my path is more,
than a million alarms,
a million commutes,
a million missed moments,
lost to traffic jams and unpaid overtime.
Let me be more than a widow
to my dreams,
by the death knell of kneeling to reality.
I’m not ready to weep
for the wishes on wasted, defeated stars,
or to blow out the candles on every ambition,
carefully constructed with optimistic oxygen on fantasy flames.
They told me to dream in dollars,
but the American Dream, is unavailable in my country,
or in the country of origin,
Exchange my investment at the post office,
and head back home.
Coppers smash through the windscreen,
of a car I’ll never afford,
on the road to a house I’ll never own,
in a tepid town,
that doesn’t open up to “my sort”.
Won’t you give me one more moment,
to pretend something could change.
Let me get my fix,
of the aspiration I’m addicted to.
Scrubbing, Spritzing and Holding
She can scrub my lipstick from your collar,
nude stained when nude,
vanished by vanish.
God damn it, she tries.
She can spritz my perfume from your coats,
the virtue of vanilla never appealed to you,
in scent or in sex,
but god damn it, she tries.
She can hold you hostage in your home,
hold you to your vows.
More than my lips and candy bling are stained on your soul,
but god damn it, she’ll try.
I wait, painted and perfumed,
for the cautious, callous call.
I start scrubbing and spritzing too,
holding myself hostage,
but in my heart,
I know it’s been too late, for too long,
and God damn it, I’ve tried.
You were sweet as cotton candy,
so they pulled and picked,
until your stick,
fell to the fame,
and those very same consumers,
threw up an ending,
that Hollywood would never approve.
with low morals,
and an even lower neckline
spread rumours all about town.
She said that we’ve had every single man,
in every single place,
and every single hole,
in every single way.
We? I ask you.
I wish she had invited me along,
I could have done with a change of schedule,
from Netflix binges
and self pity.
In His Life
I’m no McCartney,
but he had Lennon looks.
Yellow couch with all our secrets,
made redundant by a room full of news.
We deviated from the map we sketched,
ran past the landlord,
changed the locks on ourselves.
Bloody brother and sister,
not born by bone,
glued by a tempestuous tenancy,
and game nights.
I type your name
on my tongue every chance I get.
I’ve slammed the backspace key
so many times that it has stopped working,
leaving no choice but to download you,
and cry, consumed by your virus.
If you were to say that I wasn’t your file type,
or that I didn’t fit in your drive,
or that you couldn’t spare the run time
then I could delete every devoted daydream,
send myself to sleep mode,
you leave me warm and whirring.
Nothing But Longing
His eyes firmly on the camera,
glazed and distant,
as his patrons preferred.
He felt a sensation that he called tiredness,
but today, he couldn’t pretend
that it was anything less than apathy.
He went through the motions,
fingers down his chest,
fingers through his hair,
fingers on his unmentionables,
but despite his fingers,
and those of others exploring his body,
he felt nothing but longing.
He couldn’t wish for an ending,
so that he could go home,
because there was no home to go to,
and nothing to do when he arrived there. There was an apartment,
respectable in size,
and tacky in décor
according to his own inner monologue,
and the criticisms of occasional hook ups,
but it wasn’t a home.
It wouldn’t be again,
until his little bird,
returned to the nest.
You, Or Nobody
You were contained fire.
Light and warmth, without destruction.
You cooked the raw ingredients of my making,
without burning the flavour I thought I had lost.
Before you, I had heat everywhere but my heart,
I thought of thawing, but it wasn’t who I was,
or who I told myself I was,
to keep what lay underneath safe,
from hungry hands under the table.
it was you,
That was the exact request of the recipe,
no stand ins,
or nothing rises,
and nothing shall be devoured.
I am charred, and tasteless.
Our flavour has lingered on my lips too long,
that I crave you more with every second.
Someone suggested this type of post to me recently, and it made a lot of sense. I’m the kind of person who is always looking out for new things, and then getting excited and obsessed with said new things, enough to warrant a blog post (but normally just resulting in me bothering my friends and relatives with inarticulate ramblings), and so, without further ado, here are some cool things I found in May.
Hush first came to my attention when Netflix sent me a notification about it being released. I love horror movies, but I have to admit, over the years, I’ve grown tired of the home invasion subgenre. A lot of recent efforts have too many similarities, which makes for good drinking games, but not for good movies. You can only watch a family that you haven’t learned all that much about, run around a house you aren’t familiar with, while screaming “Why are you doing this?” to a villain who will inevitably say, in the voice of Christian Bale’s Batman “Because I can.” before aiming something at their head so many times, before you start to wonder why you didn’t just stick with zombies. Zombies can be samey too, but at least there is occasional variety in the origin of the infection, and the gory ways in which it can be spread.
With all that in mind, the cover of Hush, a standard masked man behind a frightened woman did make me want to click away from the description and search for something else, however, a quick glance at the description renewed my interest. The lead character, Maddie, was a writer. She was also deaf.
Writers in horror isn’t all that rare, but deafness in horror movies is these days. It would seem that murderers, zombies and ghosts are only interested in attacking those without hearing impairments.. or, the more likely option, most film makers don’t consider that deaf people exist and could be in horror movies, because diversity is something that horror does seem to be a bit far behind in, hence why the minorities tend to die first, if they get to be in the movie at all.
Still, new film makers are emerging every day, and with them, come new ideas, new characters and new possibilities, that are championing a diverse list of heroes to battle against the monsters of the universe and save the day.
Unfortunately, I have the longest netflix watchlist known to man, but I got to Hush eventually, and I’m very glad I did.
The opening of the movie did a great job of letting you get to know Maddie, without distractions, a drawn out title sequence or a massive amount of conflict. Due to the movie not being overpopulated, you are able to form an attachment with the lead character and immediately root for her.
Every part of Hush seemed necessary. It was about building a connection between Maddie, and the audience, and then sending them both on a one way trip to thrillsville (I know that is the lamest thing anyone has ever typed). I found myself with Maddie, in every moment. Her horror, became my horror. The horror of the movie lies in the reality of Maddie’s situation. Anyone can find themselves at the mercy of a bloodthirsty killer who decides today is your last day. A lot of horror comes with conditions. You MUST move into a haunted house to encounter a ghost or demon that will mess with your life. You MUST watch this video tape to activate the scary ghost lady (or little ghost girl depending on which version you watch). You MUST mess around with this spirit board like a moron and then spend several days hiding under your bed from the consequences. Hush, like most home invasions moves away from that and examines how horror can enter the lives of people who didn’t go looking for it. Maddie didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t ignore a warning on the television about an escaped convict, she didn’t go to an abandoned hospital to play Bloody Mary, she didn’t upset a self righteous terminally ill man with far too many traps just lying around to snare her with. All Maddie did was stay home and try to finish her novel. I do that all the time. Literally, tonight, when I’m in my jammies, snuggled up and trying to finish the bastard thing, a killer could just turn up at my door and decide he was going to terrorise me for the night. I genuinely don’t know what I would do if that happened, so please nobody do it.
One of the best parts of the movie is the commitment to not victimising Maddie due to her deafness. It is made very clear that this situation could be experienced by anybody else, and it is also made clear that Maddie can handle the situation like anybody else. If I was to guess at why deaf characters (or disabled characters in general) do not appear in horror very often, it could be that directors are not sure of how a deaf person would handle something like a home invasion, or a zombie apocalypse, or their child being possessed by a demon. The simple answer, as shown in Hush, is that they, like everyone else, would just do what they had to do to get through it. To see a disabled character, especially one that isn’t written off straight away as a burden or cast as the villain, purely because of their disability is such a huge step for modern horror, and can only bring more diversity to horror movie characters in the future.
Also Stephen King likes it, and that is a guy who knows his horror.
I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not a makeup expert (duh). I don’t even really know much about it. For a long time, I wore the exact same products all the time. I would purchase the exact same brown lip gloss and gold eye shadow, and that was about it. Someone once told me my lashes were too long for mascara, and I was too afraid of getting foundation wrong that I just didn’t even bother having a go.
However, after seeing make up tutorials (which I find weirdly relaxing) I figured I could branch out and maybe give some new things a shot. I thought it best to stick to some things I had a little knowledge of, and first started with lip products.
I don’t really follow trends and fashions (hence why I dress like an old woman cosplaying a toddler), but after some research, I discovered that Matte is in for lips. I meant to buy a matte lipstick (more on that later) but I ended up buying lip lacquer instead. I had actually mistakenly purchased a lip lacquer years before, when attempting to buy my usual lip gloss, and hated it, because it was incredibly drying on the lips, but this one doesn’t have the same effect. It has staying power, without making my lips feel like a desert, but dries quickly to leave long lasting colour, without sacrificing comfort, which is perfect for newbies like myself who may have been put off by fear of the unknown.
As previously mentioned, I am by no means a makeup expert. I wouldn’t even call myself competent at it, but I have a vague idea of colours that look cool with me. As mentioned previously, I used to stick to browns and nudes, and so I decided not to deviate too far from that when getting a lipstick. I went with Matte again, because they look cool, and also because after wearing glittery lip gloss exclusively for years, I thought it might be time to go for something a little more grown up.
Like the above lip lacquer, this lipstick boasts long lasting colour, along with staying power, but does take a little longer to dry, so you may wish to use a lipstick sealant with it. Again, it doesn’t dry out the lips too much, but I have taken the very helpful advice on the review section of their website to moisturise and prime my lips before application to avoid drying entirely. Application is simple, and quick, with beautiful, long lasting results.
Well. I wasn’t going to give up glitter completely, was I? Admittedly, I am again a novice at eye makeup, it may not always look great, but I have a lot of fun with it.
Undressed includes a glittery gold shade (lion) that I’ve used variations of for years, so I can recreate my signature (I’m laughing as I type this) simple look, of you know, just putting some around my eyes and hoping for the best. It also includes several beautiful and subtly shimmering shades (come on, you guys know how much I love alliteration) that I can experiment with, and try to find something that is a little less “toddler who got into mummy’s make up box” and more “actual grown up with a handle on things”.
To get so many eyeshadows for such a small price was great too, as I’ve often thought makeup to be super expensive, and maybe for some brands it is, but this satisfies my needs for now, and didn’t reduce my bank account to tears, so it’s a win win sitch.
I think the vast majority of us have a vague idea of who Zoe Sugg is. If you haven’t seen her YouTube videos, you may have read one of her books, or tried one of her products, or even seen her on Bake Off a while back. For those who have done none of those things, Zoe Sugg is a blogger who makes videos, writes books, has a beauty line, and also has a dog. I may have left something out there, but I’m sure you can forgive me, for Zoe has her (I’m sure well manicured) fingers in a lot of (probably home made) pies.
Zoe’s latest range of beauty products is the Sweet Inspirations collection. I’ve never tried one of her products before, so I wasn’t sure quite what to expect, but I had heard a lot about them, and about her, so when I saw them in the shops, I decided to jump on the bandwagon headed for…. no, I won’t add “ville” to another word. I just won’t. You know what I mean.
I’m very set in my ways about a lot of things (as you would have seen above) and I am trying to get out there and do more new things, but bath products isn’t something I’m ready to experiment with too much, so while I did stick with my standard Johnson’s Baby Bath in terms of that, I did decide to pick up the fragranced body mist.
It was quite an interesting experience, because I was surrounded by Zoe’s fans as I approached the display, all of which were very excited as the range had apparently been put out in stores earlier than expected. In all honesty, I haven’t been excited by new products from my favourite ranges for quite some time. Primarily because I literally buy the same things over and over, but also because my time is taken up by work, writing, and my own terrified ramblings about what the hell I’m going to do with my life, that I don’t stop to actually take a moment to get excited about something new. For a moment, even though I’m not a Zoella superfan, I took that moment, and I got excited about treating myself to something new.
I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that it didn’t come in a fancy box. The packaging design of the entire collection is very elegant, and there was definitely potential for fancy box with fancy box art for a fragrance, but on the upside, it is more eco friendly to not have a box for a body mist. In the grand scheme of things, it was a good decision to go boxless.
There is a good amount in the bottle for the price, and the fragrance is long lasting. I put some on this morning, and it’s now mid afternoon, and it’s still here. It is macaron themed, as is the entire range, and is sweet without being overwhelming or sickly.
My grandma also loves it. I don’t know if this carries the same weight as Stephen King liking Hush, but she knows her fragrances as well as he does his horror, so you can probably trust her opinion.
Who doesn’t love a good jelly bean? I love jelly beans. I also love sour things, so naturally, sour jelly beans were exactly what I needed in my life.
Perfect for sharing, or for your own little jelly bean party (is that a thing? I’m making it a thing), these are delicious. My favourites are the sour cherry (the red ones), but they also contain sour apple, sour peach, sour grape, and sour lemon, so have something for most tastes. They are also gluten free, gelatine free, fat free and peanut free, if you wondered. I only know what two of those terms means, but I love a good list, so I enjoyed that little factoid on the back of the packet.
Well, that concludes that post. I hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll see you soon!
Find The Products Mentioned Above
COME FIND ME
Summer is almost here, and with summer, comes the essential summer playlist, and I’m incredibly excited to have something new and fresh to add to mine. Jodie Knight, a singer/songwriter from Scotland (I love Scotland so much but that is another blog post entirely, and I might not even write it, because collectively, Scotland might get creeped out and not let me back in. As I said, another blog post for another time) has just released her EP, “You’re The Only One” and below are my first listen thoughts.
The EP begins with the infectious title track, a combination of mature and heartfelt lyrics, and emotive delivery, over laid back instrumentation that creates the perfect summery vibe, and would be ideal for beach playlists, parties and get togethers during the summer season with your sweetie.
The second track Get To Know You is a catchy look at the struggle of trying to test the waters of a new romance. The conflict often found in this situation is well represented by the lyrics. While the excitement of a new relationship can make your heart race, your heart can also be unsure, and Knight describes this well, over a melody that is sure to get stuck in your head.
That’s The Truth slows things down a little, and is a great showcase of Knight’s lovely voice. Gentle instrumentation matches perfectly with tender vocals from Knight as the lyrics detail her wishes to protect someone she loves. With prom season on the horizon, this could be the perfect last dance between friends as they say goodbye, because it’s guaranteed to bring on the tears.
Getaway is probably my favourite track from the EP, an anthem of empowerment, it is optimistic, but honest, acknowledging the defeats life can throw at you before you are able to push forward and reach where you want to be. Let’s face it. We’ve all felt downtrodden at one point or another, we’ve all felt defeated, but it’s what you do in your defeat that people will remember, and Getaway is a great soundtrack to push you out of those blues and into action. It is dignified, full of ambition and perfect to motivate you all summer long.
Overall, Knight has delivered a great introduction to her music, and I’m sure there will be more great stuff to follow, after such an impressive and interesting debut. You can find Jodie on twitter here, and get your copy of You’re The Only One here.
COME FIND ME
Hola reflexivo amigos,
I hope you’ve been well. I dont have much to update you with, but I do have some new poems below the cut.
I thought you might like to know, the novel is giving me less trouble. It feels less like an atrocious marriage, and more like that kind of marriage where you don’t avoid each other, but you only deal with each other in small doses, by working lots, so that you can smile in public and tell your friends that things are going well. We’re seeing someone twice a week, and talking through the resentment and occasional happy moments to see what we can figure out. I’ll keep you posted.
Hope your day is awesome 🙂