Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

1 Day

Maybe I hold onto you,

long after you’ve left,

so that I’ll always feel you’re mine,

never having to accept that I’ll lose you again.

It’s easier to ignore the reality,

of life and it’s sickening cruelty,

if I just close my eyes,

hearing my inner monologue in your voice,

kinder tones,

kinder times,

no suitcase in the hallway,

just two pairs of shoes,

that know,

deep in their soles,

that they are soulmates.

There are knocks on my door,

a frightening thunder,

that gets closer,

the further you get,

I barricade,

with each thing that you said,

because though I could let them in,

and be loved,

at long last,

they would never be you.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

Everything Changes

Ten days,

Two hundred and forty hours.

I allow myself to drink delusions,

under the covers,

aching,

thinking about how everything is changing,

except my helpless, hapless hoping.

young women chilling on bed with laptop and coffee

I have slept a little,

wept a lot,

your name lives in my dreams,

a curse that calls to me,

and I sleep,

to forget.

human eye

I thought I didn’t make you happy,

anymore,

watching the cards fall,

walls free themselves,

words fail.

I am on the moon,

staring down at myself,

self destructing,

down with the ship,

down with the system.

woman wearing brown shirt inside room

Everything changes,

everybody changes,

except the mistress of mistakes,

who always goes back.

photo of man leaning on wooden table

I thought I didn’t make you happy,

anymore.

I don’t remember happiness.

I wouldn’t recognise her,

if she sat at my bedside,

begging me to run away with her.

Our mirrored tears,

would not move me,

and everything changes,

pieces parting ways,

playing new games,

but I always remain,

under the covers,

aching,

waiting.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Writing

Ghosted

Last time,

you took a souvenir,

as you left.

I was asleep,

eyes closed,

not seeing you steal,

segments of my soul,

sweet and serene,

wrapped in the brightest days.

photo of a woman sitting beside statue

You walked into the night,

no goodbyes,

no route back,

you go back,

to being alone,

barely alive,

staring at the small part of my soul,

sometimes,

wilted and wounded,

the brightest days,

banished.

photo of woman sitting on floor

You ask the air,

if I still miss you.

Nobody answers,

everything echoes.

You haunt me,

and I hate you,

until I don’t.

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top

I dared myself,

to hold my fate in my hands.

After midnight,

mixing drinks,

mixing emotions,

meeting the door,

under the moonlight.

woman wearing eyeglasses in grayscale photography

One shoe out,

before you awoke,

arms around the dream we had,

holding on,

to something you can’t commit to.

woman sitting while looking lonely

In the midst of missing me,

you sob,

in a circle,

alleviating your addiction,

for just a second,

before you fall back in,

and I forget myself.

I can never tell,

if you miss me,

or miss the way that I love you.

silhouette photo of person holding door knob

Don’t ask me,

where my heart resides,

as if you don’t know.

I keep the key,

to the rest of my life,

around my neck,

but it’s just jewellery,

to me,

because you are my home,

even when you’re gone.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Divorce

I was on the pier,

playing my part in filling the ocean,

collapsing under the chaos of home,

bound to return,

but broken at the thought.

For a moment,

for the very first time,

I was alone.

There had never been a voice,

or even a familiar, friendly hand to hold,

just a promise of forever,

golden,

guiding light,

that surrounded me,

until,

it suddenly went out.

My devotion,

deserted,

as I bled into the beach,

begging for the space to breathe,

for believing to be easier,

for just a second.