Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Seven

Without you,

I could have wings,

and see the world,

standing atop the Eiffel Tower,

before I found my way to waves,

waiting for breathtaking,

but,

without you,

it would just be places,

faceless things,

that just happen to pass me by.

I thought about you,

tonight,

as I stared out my window,

at more of the world,

and I felt empty,

except for the small part of my heart,

that still has your name written on it,

which beat faster,

and with more urgency,

as your face appeared in my dejected reflection,

your eyes reaching mine,

as I reach for your hands.

It was just my imagination,

but your name is still there,

all seven letters.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Being Vague To Own The Libs… Wait… But… I’m The Libs D:

Completely.

It’s complicated.

For a lifetime,

it will grow and change,

delighting,

disappointing.

I just want something real.

I just want something passionate.

I’m not sure if I even have a point.

I don’t have any more to say,

because being vague is the only fun that’s free,

in the grotesque but glorious world I woke up in.

Completely.

I hide behind the pillow,

like a child,

full of fear,

as I get all I ever wanted,

because I don’t know what to do with it,

and I don’t know that I ever did.

I just liked to dream.

I just liked to imagine myself,

somewhere else,

sometimes,

I still do.

Do you want to go to lake placid,

my love?

Yes,

I’m changing the subject,

so you won’t dwell on my despair.

I didn’t mean to make you or I cry,

but while we’re here,

let’s plan a trip,

and promise we’ll go,

so I have something to hold onto.

I prayed for it.

Completely.

Save me,

love.

Save me,

fate.

Save me,

Father John Misty.

I guess someone heard me.

Completely.

I don’t have any more to say,

because being vague is the only fun that’s free,

in the grotesque but glorious world I woke up in.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Full

For so long,

I was the love of my life.

Admittedly,

I wasn’t THAT crazy about myself,

but I knew I was all I had,

so I found a way to adore her,

never letting my eyes stray from her dreams,

holding her at night,

as she cried,

keeping her on track.

I knew where I was going.

I knew who I was.

img_7864

My heart was empty,

but it was mine,

until you stole it,

and filled it with new dreams,

questions.

I started questioning where I was going.

I started questioning who I was.

My heart was full,

we were fighting over it,

and I let you win.

I let you take the love of my life,

and fill her heart,

and her head with ideas,

so,

now she is yours,

until you leave,

taking your ideas,

your new dreams,

and half of her with you.

img_7863

If I sound resentful,

or regretful,

it’s because I am,

because I’m not pretty,

but I’m not dumb either,

(I think that’s how that phrase goes…)

and I’ve been down this road before.

I’ve wanted to believe these things before.

I’ve picked her up, after they leave like this before.

So,

I let you take her,

because she desperately wanted to go,

but when you break her heart,

please,

don’t give her hope that you’ll fix it again,

it just makes it harder for me to do it.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

It’s Okay, Because I Love You

It’s okay,

because I love you.

I used to listen to that song,

all the time,

(No, I won’t sing it,

but buy my albums on iTunes)

because I loved someone,

and I wanted them,

more than I ever knew I could,

because I am the kind of girl,

who wants things so much,

too much,

until they become all that I am,

swapping identity,

for senseless longing,

leaving every other aspect of my life behind,

abandoning myself,

until all that remains is a desperate doormat.

img_7859

Is it the punishment,

for loving you so much?

My Korean might be a bit rusty,

and Christ,

maybe I’m just lonely,

latching on to love wherever it turns up,

so I feel a little more attached to the world,

but that song made so much sense to me,

when I was nineteen,

wildly addicted to giving my heart away,

to people who didn’t want it,

and now,

it does again,

now I’m supposed to be older and wiser,

I hear it,

and I live it,

all over again,

for you.

Someone once told me,

that madness was real,

and I didn’t believe her,

until I wrapped madness in a bow,

and gave it to you,

for valentine’s day.

img_7860

I will wait for you,

until forever.

Realistically,

I will,

which is great news for you,

for as long as you love me,

but is a death sentence for me,

for as long as you don’t,

because I dusted off this little song,

for you,

and you might just leave,

or die,

or…

It’s okay,

because I love you.

It’s okay,

because I love you.

It’s okay,

because I love you.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Let There Be Love

Sometime around my seventeenth birthday,

in fact,

exactly on my seventeenth birthday,

I was sat,

crowded by people who loved me,

staring down a cake,

that made me anxious,

making a wish,

for someone else to love me,

differently,

obviously.

img_7856

I wasted a wish,

on a waste of time,

waiting for too long,

for the wrong kind of love,

because I wasn’t worldly enough,

to see it for what it was.

When I closed my eyes,

to ask everything around me,

for the birthday gift nobody could give me,

I heard the last minute or so,

of Let There Be Love,

like I always did,

when I looked at you,

and for a second,

I thought it might come true.