I’m tired of being told that I’m being taught a lesson.
Sick of suffering because fate forgets how to use her words and just tell me what the fuck she wants to say.
Don’t teach me how to survive,
because you know I’m not going to do it.
Don’t lock me in this eternal classroom,
with a blackboard full of things I won’t read.
Don’t make me go through this again,
because it won’t stay in my head,
once I’m gone,
and I just want some peace.
I just want some existence,
where the cosmos isn’t playing a sick joke,
and I can just feel relieved that everything is simple,
everything is normal.
I’ve already taken shaky, stupid steps.
I’ve already signed over my soul.
You know it’s too late,
and you could give me a break,
but you won’t.
We’ve been here before.
You’ve said this before.
I have slept, with my eyes wide open, in this realm of silence before.
Don’t make me do it again.
Don’t make him do this again.
Don’t be so cruel again.
Let this life be something like what I’ve imagined, again.
You say you want me to get through this,
but you know I never will, again.
I was right to worry but you made me feel like I was crazy, again,
but maybe I am, because I am, of course, the duchess of duplication,
and they say that repeating the same steps,
and ignoring the results makes you mad,
despite all I know,
there is no other way to go,
than back down mud trodden paths,
back to messes of the past,
because I’m going to do it all over again,
and so are you.