Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

I Love You, But I Have To Go

It’s all falling down.
London Bridge,
and all the things you dreamed of,
as you stared across the river at it.
I love you, but I have to go,
because there’s nothing else I can do,
except mourn you in solitude when I eventually arrive on safer shores, of course,
but for now,
all I can do is pull away my fingertips from your grasping, desperate hand,
tear my eyes from the face I’ve stared at for a lifetime and walk away.

I love you, but I have to go,
because you have to die so that I can live,
and I know you’ll never understand why,
but I love you,
more than my departure suggests, and I know this is best,
but something about the way you wail makes it so hard to hang it all up and go.
The sky is aflame,
we swipe the clouds left and right with warm hands,
but you know that I have to go,
don’t you?

I love you, but I have to go.
I love you, but you have to let me go,
and I’d tell you
“No, I won’t forget you”
but the way you cling to what’s left of me shows that you know I will.
I take one last look at your familiar eyes,
your gaze so defeated under the glassy guard of the Thames,
and my hand hurts without you to hold it,
but the world is aflame,
the sun is sleeping on the ground,
and I love you, but I have to go.

I’ll never know if you were crying,
as you slip further under the surface,
but you had to die,
so I could live,
reborn and free of who I was, with you.
I love you, but I have to go.

Maybe one day,
when it all cools down,
you can come back around,
but for now,
I have to rebuild a new girl for us to be.
I love you, and I’ll come back for you, one day.

Posted in Creative Writing, Writing

Counselling

Don’t be stubborn.

Don’t be distrusting.

Don’t be so distressed.

Don’t carry the crimes of lost souls, into your new life.

These are the mantras,

I repeat in my mirror,

every morning,

trying hard to adore the idea,

of existing in such an unsure,

unappealing universe.

I don’t mean to be unkind,

but as a great crab once said,

the human world,

it’s a mess,

and,

yes,

I am messy,

but was I born this way,

or am I just the result of my environment?

It doesn’t really matter,

because,

we are where we are,

and I am miming my mantras,

to the mirror,

for far longer than I intended.

He holds onto me,

stubborn and seductive,

as I venture between the valleys,

without leaving his arms.

Maybe one day,

I will free him,

from the sentence my past suitors have inflicted,

on him,

and anyone else I encounter,

so that they do not fall prey,

to a prison,

that they refuse to escape from.

I want him to escape,

so that we can be free,

forever,

together,

but my mantras meld,

into one,

unintelligible mess,

and I forget,

all I remembered,

about how to be in love.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

Full

For so long,

I was the love of my life.

Admittedly,

I wasn’t THAT crazy about myself,

but I knew I was all I had,

so I found a way to adore her,

never letting my eyes stray from her dreams,

holding her at night,

as she cried,

keeping her on track.

I knew where I was going.

I knew who I was.

img_7864

My heart was empty,

but it was mine,

until you stole it,

and filled it with new dreams,

questions.

I started questioning where I was going.

I started questioning who I was.

My heart was full,

we were fighting over it,

and I let you win.

I let you take the love of my life,

and fill her heart,

and her head with ideas,

so,

now she is yours,

until you leave,

taking your ideas,

your new dreams,

and half of her with you.

img_7863

If I sound resentful,

or regretful,

it’s because I am,

because I’m not pretty,

but I’m not dumb either,

(I think that’s how that phrase goes…)

and I’ve been down this road before.

I’ve wanted to believe these things before.

I’ve picked her up, after they leave like this before.

So,

I let you take her,

because she desperately wanted to go,

but when you break her heart,

please,

don’t give her hope that you’ll fix it again,

it just makes it harder for me to do it.

 

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Writing

I Drove You Crazy

I didn’t plan to spend so much time,

inside your mind.

Sweet sailor valentine,

dressed up in denim,

and your mother’s money,

precocious brocialist baby boy,

that I just couldn’t resist.

I never meant to mean so much,

just summer love,

or something to study,

but there I was,

traipsing through your mind.

It was just the summer.

My own was somewhere else,

sometimes,

when we kissed,

under sing song stars.

You complained about my expensive and excessive lipgloss,

and I made a mental note,

to punish you forever,

but,

you must understand,

I never meant like this.

I never meant to mean so much,

because I thought we were pretend,

so I was unaware of why you started to cry,

when I called you,

offering homework help,

and liquorice.

It was just liquorice. 

I never meant to move in to your mind.

I never meant to mean so much.

You must understand,

I didn’t think I had the right,

but,

still,

I dove inside,

and drove you crazy,

so you say.

I never meant to mean so much.


Order “Stormy Weather” here

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Listen to”Past Preston” here

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Listen to “Hard Drive” here

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Drowning In Us
What Ever Happened To Baby Jen?
Notes To My Muse

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