Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Thoughts On Writing, Writing

Jennifer Walks Into A Bar, Narrated By A Male Author

Her eyes were as brown as her breasts,
firm double D’s, that she wasn’t afraid to show off.

A tall chocolate shake in a dress she thought made her look classy.

She wanted to appear impenetrable, because the world was as hard as my dick (which is really big, by the way).

She had a sultry drawl, locked inside of her golden throat and glossy lips,
but nothing she said made any sense,
just a sweet, shrill soliloquy as she stared into my eyes.

Some might think she kept eye contact to keep my respect,
but deep down, I knew it was because of her deep desire for me.

You see,
I can read a girl like that, like I can read her pretty little poems,
because I’m as literate as I am interesting.

She licks her lips, and I know what’s up.

She might disappear into the dark with a dame, but she has to come back eventually.




Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Thoughts On Writing, Writing

An Open Letter To Male Poets

Hello clever man,

who towers, only in height,

and has the same syndrome as boys who buy big cars.

There’s something you should know.

I’ll say it slow,

so I don’t get overwhelmed,

because you know we women are not complex,

so quiet,

so one dimensional,

(feel free to mention all the books you’ve read,

that you’d like to recommend to me,

because I can assure you,

I am dying to hear all about it)

Volume isn’t a talent.

I’m sorry.

Would you like me to be louder?






(Period. Just in case the rumours are true, and you’ll faint in fury at the very mention of the monthly menstrual magic.)

Volume isn’t a talent,

but you manspread over women,

boring and berating,


as if yours is the only brain that ever worked.

For God’s sake,

if this doesn’t resonate,

don’t email me,

don’t leave me a long,

drawn out comment that won’t make it past my spam filter,

because I don’t care to hear some “nOt AlL mAlE pOeTs!!1!” mess,

when it’s enough,

that I,

and others have echoed these thoughts.

Nobody asked,

but you’re always the loudest answer,

to a question that doesn’t exist,

pretending not to understand why people are sick of the sound of your droll drones,

about how you’re saying things,

within things,

and some people just don’t understand

that your poetry is so complex

so profound

and somehow, can always be mansplained on top of ours.

You’re not a misogynist,

you’re just cleverer than us,



(Wrong, but that really goes without saying)

Volume is not a talent,

but it’s all you have to give,

which is adorable.

You’re so adorable,

I whisper, down to your bridge,

where three goats,

who fell for your shit,

roll their eyes,

for the hundredth time,

writing an escape plan,

on the back of yet another stanza you wrote,

about how you’re so complex,

in a way that nobody else has ever been,

and nobody else can understand.

I’ve seen identical verses,

from identical dudebros,

all over social media,

but I wouldn’t want to give you a complex,

so I smile,

and I say,

you’re so complex,

I don’t understand you,

I’ve never met anyone like you,

and for a few minutes,

you are in my deadlights,

mouth open,

ego edging out,

and I smile,

watching the goats make a break for it,

behind your back.

Posted in Blog, Creative Writing, Personal, Thoughts On Writing, Writing

Sant Jordi

We pretend that we aren’t swayed,

but we still stay in awe of the twenty four hour magic,

the way everybody smiles just a little bit more,

the electric in our fingertips,

as we hold hands,

(just in case we get lost, definitely NOT because we are in love),

we go about the day,

slightly sailing through the air.


You gave me a single crimson rose,

while I signed my soul into seventy seven books,

ignoring you,

from my book fair booth,

but still looking up every few seconds,

to check you were still cutting back in line,

to get my attention.

Just a single crimson rose.


You are a waste of my time,

and a waste of my words,

or so I told myself,

as I signed my last book,

making it out to the waste I loved most in the world,

I singed my soul,

in black ink,

branded on the book I wish I didn’t write about you.


As night fell,

the day dancing down the street,

and out of sight,

you were still in line, all alone,

with your single crimson red rose,

not seeming to understand why it wasn’t enough,

for a girl who gave a gift,

that would last forever.


You held the sharp stem in your hands,

so tightly that you bled,

crawling onto the table of the booth,

under the soft, spring moon,

to declare to the town,

(that didn’t really care),

that you would grow me a garden of roses,

if I would stay and watch you grow.


I watered you,

from my eyes.

Read My Books

Hear My Music

Drowning In Us
What Ever Happened To Baby Jen?
Notes To My Muse

Ask Jen





Posted in Ask Jen, Blog, Creative Writing, Thoughts On Writing, Writing

Ask Jen – 18th April 2019

Hola amigos,

I haven’t answered some questions in a while (sorry!) and I was planning to answer these on my podcast, but here are some answers for you now 🙂


Rhouda asked: Hi, I’m making a visual poem based from my own poems and was wondering what was the song used in love is love? Thanks, but if you could please respond to me on my email I’d be more than happy. It’s due in a couple of days but again. Thanks for taking the time to read my question or more like a statement. Smile always!

I did try to reply with an email, but unfortunately, you didn’t leave an email address, so hopefully you’ll see this instead 🙂

The backing for Love Is Love is my track “Oh Boy”, which you can download here.


Anonymous asked: Would you ever consider doing a live podcast recording with an audience? Quite a lot of podcasts do that and it can be a really fun environment. It would be a good chance for those of us who haven’t been able to see you live to have that experience…

I haven’t really thought about it, but if enough people wanted me to, then I don’t see why not haha.


Anonymous asked: Are you seeing anyone right now? 

Nope. I’m just kind of writing a lot and making music and stuff, so I mean…


Katie asked: Will you be adding more tour dates for 2019? 

I think so, yes. I’m working on putting some stuff together for the summer, so hopefully I’ll be able to announce those soon 🙂


Anonymous asked: What is your favourite song from Subliminals? 

White Wine or Subliminals. They are both very different than other stuff I’ve done before but they were a lot of fun to create.


Kylie asked: Which poems are currently on your set list for live performances?

I don’t really have a set performance list that I use for every event, if that makes sense. It really depends what kind of event I’m doing, what is likely to be enjoyed by an audience and so on. I am, for the most part, reading things from my upcoming book at the moment though.


Anonymous asked: Was there any significance for the video of 27, With A White Lighter being filmed in Blackpool? It’s a place that a lot of us now associate with you, so it was very special to see you there again, but is it a hint of something to come? 

I was just there. I wish I could give a better answer than that, but it was literally that I was there on holiday and I fancied filming a video. That being said, I am planning to head there in the summer to film some stuff for a new project…


Sammy asked: What inspired you to create the instrumental album to go with Ol’ Brown Eyes Is Back? 

The book actually started as an audio collection. I was only planning on it being eight or so poems, the way I normally do audio collections, but it grew and grew, and now it’s almost two hundred pages, so it’s way too long for me to do an audio collection featuring every poem, so I decided to keep the instrumentals I had already started, instead of just scrapping them, to create a little background experience for when people are reading the book.


Anonymous asked: What is the poem at the end of Hola?

It’s called Indeed I Do, and it’s from the new book 🙂


Gabby asked: Who is Life, Uh, Finds A Way about? It’s such a beautiful poem! Is it in the new book?

Thank you, yes it is 🙂 It’s just about someone I used to hang out with, and we were kinda in love a little bit, but it was v complicated, so we would just play dinosaurs and forget. You know?


Anonymous asked: Will you ever release your covers, like Blue Velvet, On The Inside and Amnesia? 

I would, but I can’t because they aren’t my songs ha. I think maybe I could just put them up on my website or youtube or something but I don’t know.


Melody Ann asked: Do you know if The Good Life In Galicia anthology that you are featured in will have a hardback edition coming out? 

As far as I’m aware, no, but if that changes in the future, I’ll update the website to let everyone know 🙂


Anonymous asked: You said previously that you weren’t too concerned about YouTuber books, but I was wondering if your thoughts had changed in recent years, especially with scandals such as Zoella releasing a book that contained basic content like a guide on how to take a walk outside, and Gabbie Hanna releasing a poetry book that contained nothing that could really be considered poetry? Does it feel like a slap in the face to people like you, Sav Brown and others who do YouTube but also write, when people who make non writing content churn out books like that?

I wasn’t really aware of either of those things to be honest. I’m familiar with Zoella, but I don’t really keep up with her merchandising endeavours, and I only know Gabbie Hanna from the memes, so I didn’t know she had released a book. I haven’t really given the subject much thought since the last time I was asked about it, really, because I’m working on my own projects.

I would hope that YouTubers are responsible with their platforms and don’t exploit their audience by selling them something crap to make money, but the only person I have control over is myself, so I don’t see any point in being angry about it. I’d rather just use my energy on working on my own content and putting out the best things I can.

I don’t consider anything that a YouTuber does to be disrespectful to me unless it directly references me, to be honest. I’m not narcissistic enough to believe that they are writing books maliciously, just to fuck with me. I have no need to feel threatened by what they do, because we are doing different things.


That’s all for this edition, kids. If you want to ask me a question, you can send them in here.